SILICONE CAULK-THE POOR MAN’S BOTOX

This brilliant idea struck me after a recent battle with my shower.  It was installed by a contractor of questionable skill 3 or 4 years ago.  It started leaking immediately after I began using it.  By a few months ago, the paint and the drywall on the outside of the tub had started to peel, swell and was in desperate need of repair.  My darling new husband and I re-caulked the entire shower surround above the tub, not really finding any leak, and repaired the wall in hopes that the new caulk would fix it.  It didn’t.  So, after a large thick bead of caulk around the faucet, the leak was finally vanquished.

Moving on, I had noticed in the hardware store that silicone caulk comes in a wide variety of colors—like skin tones—-hmmmm.  Could I?  Should I?  Well, of course!  One thick smear of Midwest Sunkissed Beauty and I have a whole new face!  Complete with eye holes and everything!  Here is how you too, can have a shiny-and yes I mean shiny-new face to show the world.

Latest, greatest beauty tool.

SUPPLIES:

1 Tube Silicone caulk in your skin tone

Caulking gun for really REALLY deep wrinkles

Putty knife, spatula, mini frosting spreader or your fingers if you are going for a ruddy complexion

Straws for breathing

A mirror

You may  attempt this  alone, but it is best to enlist the help of a friend with a background in either plumbing or cake decorating.

Practice your most attractive facial pose in the mirror until it’s perfect.  You must be able to hold this pose for the next 3 to 4 hours without a break.

Let’s start with a clean slate, shall we?  Wash and exfoliate your face well.  Pat dry.  No moisturizer please, you don’t want your new face to slide off before it’s time.

Strike your pose, and get ready to relax.  Using a small tool, like the mini frosting spreader, fill all deep pores, heavy wrinkles and chicken pox scars.  Wait for an hour or so before proceeding.  This step doesn’t have to be perfect.  Remember, this isn’t the surface layer and any mistakes can be smoothed out with your trusty orbital sander.

After initial layer dries, it’s time to apply the caulk to the rest of your face.  You can either give yourself carpal tunnel  by squeezing it out of the little hole in the end of the tube, or just save yourself some trouble and cut the damn thing off.  Either way, you will probably need a good-sized blob of caulking,  between a 1/4 and a half a cup, depending on how cruel time and life has been to your face.

Spread caulk all over face, blending lightly around chin, ears and hairline.  Avoid lips and eye area-duh.  Did I really have to tell you this?  Be particularly careful around the eyebrows, but if you do get your new facial material stuck in the eyebrows, simply comb it out with your husband’s toothbrush. Put straws up your nose to not only aid in breathing, but to give your nostrils a round and youthful appearance.

Now comes the tricky part.  If you have a friend helping you, make sure you trust them enough to resurface your face with their expert smoothing skills. If not, then a tip to help is to dip your tool, I prefer the mini frosting spreader myself, into warm water before applying to face.  Smooth and remove excess in long sweeping motions, just like you were actually frosting a cake.

Once you have achieved the desired smoothness, and you are happy with your new face, lie down and relax until the caulk cures.  About 3 hours.  Remove straws and admire your new beauty!  Look at you!  You’re positively glowing! And wow!  Talk about elasticity!

If need be, you may sand your new face with a very fine grit finishing sandpaper, and varnish with just one coat of water based poly urethane.

This new face should last about a week before the natural oils in your skin start to break the seal.  But until then, enjoy it!  Wear makeup, swim, and go to lots of happy events, since you will be smiling all of the time.  You may want to also enjoy either a liquid diet or soft foods, as chewing will be difficult.

Please let me know how this works for you!

See? This stuff really works! I look fabulous! Black and white is really my color.

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13 thoughts on “SILICONE CAULK-THE POOR MAN’S BOTOX

  1. Pingback: Keeping it real with Anka-Blogger Idol at home challenge « The Cheeky Diva

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