Ken Follett,the Bacon Hole, and other dog oddities

Let’s start with a text message I sent to my 22 year old son last night:  “I’m taking Satan for a walk.  Just go inside if I’m not home.”  It was all I could think to do after a weekend of doggie hell on earth.  That particularly evil “eye shine” that you can see in pictures of animals takes on a new meaning when you suspect  your dog may have escaped from the Village Of The Damned.

The sinister children.

Puppy? We love puppies, as long as they’re cooked right. (Wikipedia)

Jumping on the furniture, barking constantly, peeing in the house for revenge, throwing up on the dining room rug after eating God knows what,…just the tip of the iceberg.  She’s so sweet!  She’s so small!  How can there be so much evil  in one little adorable fluffy ball of cuteness?  (How do I insert a gif of joyful hearts here?)

What did I tell you?? She looks just like one of these creepy kids. She needs a blonde pageboy wig.

This dog’s need for constant attention has me reading everything I can find on “problem dogs”.   Remember that episode of Breaking Bad? I am attempting to ascertain if this dog is merely dominant or if she is becoming aggressive.  The words “She’s just a puppy, she’ll grow out of it.” seem to offer little comfort.  Our home is under siege.  Nothing is sacred.  I even caught her trying to pull the tablecloth off of the dining room table last night with her teeth.  If she can do it and leave everything in tact, I’ll have to admit it will be a pretty good trick, but I fear that is highly unlikely.

Evidence all over the place.

You can see from this photo, that she is truly remorseful for eating the carpet.

Penitent Pup

I think this is one of my favorite pictures I have managed to snap of my constantly in motion doggie.  If you look under the sweet surface, you can almost see the wheels turning.  “Daddy is too busy to finish his big book, I think I’ll help him.”

Please don’t leave me. Look at me…look at me I said! There’s no escape for you, I will turn your face to alabaster….you know the rest.

Never underestimate the power of a good book.  According to my dog, they are delicious.

Apparently, Daisy likes Ken Follett as much as we do. She thinks Fall Of Giants was good enough to eat. Bummer it’s a library book.

“Can’t we just drop her at the dog park at 8 and pick her up at 5?”- Dear husband says, full of desperate hope.  Sorry honey, unfortunately, there are rules against that sort of thing.  The dog park,  where Daisy can run and be free and get rid of loads of energy from laying around all day, was sadly closed when we tried to take her there on Friday.

I know I’ve been in my kennel all morning. Thanks for letting me out, so I can schlep the 5 feet to dad’s shoes to nap some more.

Our baby loves to hide her treats and save them for later.   Treats as a training tool is a miserable failure for us, so… why not run off with them and save them for when I really want them?, she says.   (Why we are giving this dog treats in the first place is a mystery.)    First she hid them in between couch cushions, under the radiators, under the sofa.  We found Beggin Strips all over the place.   Our house is one of those old places that seems to be under constant renovation.  At the moment, we have a few small projects that nag to be finished.  One of them is the re-hanging of the main floor baseboards.  At the end of the hall, there is a hole in the wall, that our little darling has claimed as a treat depository.  The Bacon Hole.

The Bacon Hole

What keeps this dog from being sent to the science lab is her ability to be just darling enough to save her own skin.  She knows when she has pushed us to the limit.  Here are a few examples of rare good behavior.  But look at those eyes.  How long do I have to keep this up before I can go eat more fringe off of the ottoman?

Good doggie. Eat that nasty overpriced bull pizzle.

Here she is, chewing on a ball.  But that look!

Another fleeting good puppy moment.

Of course, we love her to death, and the science lab, the animal shelter, and being tossed into the lake in a pillowcase with a brick are all empty threats that she is far too intelligent to fall for.  We are trying, and we move inches closer to a happy symbiotic dog/owner relationship daily.  After all, it takes more than five months to learn all the rules.  And maybe that glimmer of hope isn’t quite so desperate.  As I’m about to hit the “publish” button, I am wearing a pair of flip flops covered with beads (and chew marks) and she is completely ignoring me, playing with her own toys.

Contemplating the science lab.

That’s a good doggie.

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15 thoughts on “Ken Follett,the Bacon Hole, and other dog oddities

  1. I followed you over from the idol thingee and I like what you do here. So… I don’t know if you will care to play a long with this, but, I gave you a Liebster Award. (I’ll publish the post just after noon.) I suspect it some sort of cyber-hazing, but, all the other kids are doing it…
    Just ignore this, if you don’t feel like doing it, I nearly did…

    • Hi there! I gladly accept the prestigous Liebster Award, and thank you! I’m so glad you have decided to stay, seeing as how I removed my Freshly Pressed post which started out as a Blogger Idol entry. It was a hard decision, but it seemed like the best idea at the time. Good luck with your blogging. If this is your first nod from other bloggers, congratulations to you! We are a friendly bunch and give a lot of awards for various reasons I am finding. That helps give us a little ego boost, helps us find new readers, as well as fun and informative blogs to read ourselves. I will definitely have to check out your posts! Your home page has some great art! Sorry, I’ve only had time to skim as yet, but I will definitely read. Thanks again! :-)

  2. And to think they blamed the little boy for writing “Redrum” on the mirror in “The Shining” . . . . oh, but wouldn’t our lives be empty without these naughty little creatures?! ~ Kat

    • Yes they would. She has gotten much better since I wrote this post. She is almost a great little dog. Every now and then she will still run off with a stolen sock or something, but for the most part, her barking is the only thing I can’t seem to break her of. Thanks for reading!

  3. You know…I read somewhere they one should use animal training habits on your kids. So I think you should try the reverse. Obviously you’ve successfully assisted a child through years of compulsory education, thus you have the skill set to train this little he-devil to become Eistein. Goodluck and we’ll look forward to seeing your new purchases from Payless shoes.

    • Barb–ha ha, thanks, but I won’t be buying new shoes anytime soon. These lovely wedding slippers that made my feet hurt so much I ended up getting married barefoot were probably the last heels I’ll ever buy. I have so many pairs of killer shoes that probably won’t be worn again that Daisy could stay busy for years chewing them if I would let her.

    • I wrote this post when I first started my blog back in July, and puppies do grow and learn pretty fast. Since that time she has become a pretty good little doggie for the most part. I need to do a new post on her and the game my husband plays with her to burn off all of her energy. We also take her to a great vet clinic twice a week where she is allowed to romp around all day in a nice big grassy play yard with other active doggies for the entire day if the weather is nice. They just bring them inside every couple of hours to rest and get a drink, and eat if they need a snack. All for the low low price of $6 a day. Well worth it. Daisy will now actually cuddle up on the couch with one or the other of us at night, goes in her kennel when it’s time to go to bed without a struggle, and is a very good girl about going to the door when she needs to go out. She deserves a new post. I should get to work on that. Thanks for dropping by! I hopped over to your blog as well, but I will have to take a better look when I’m not at work. :-)

      • Also, glad to hear your beastie has settled in. I look forward to reading her updates. (Another problem with my commenting, I forget to say everything I should)

      • Oh, geez, I do that too! Hi, there, I’m not a stalker, really, just remembered something that’s of the utmost importance I just have to tell you! Sometimes I leave a string of random stupid sounding comments. It’s a wonder anybody reads me. Thanks for the pity follow! ;-)

      • It’s either pity or I like stupid dog stories. ;) I used to have rats (really, wonderful pets) and Mounds would hide food in my couch.

      • How rude! Please forgive me. I have been reading a lot about comments and blog etiquette in the last couple of days, and just noticed that it slipped my mind to respond to this last comment of yours. My apologies–thank you so much for your pity and thinking my dog is cute. Pity and a cute dog are all this old broad has going for her some days. ;-)

  4. We ended up buying a muzzle! My son ( then six years old) didn’t have a pair of shorts that weren’t shredded at the legs! it got to the stage that all we had to do was show Ziggy the muzzle and he would stop jumping/barking/chewing/biting or whatever else he did that was sooooooo destructive. He is the sweetest dog ever, sadly now at the wrong end of his life, when his time is up we will mourn his passing for a longtime…

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