Digital age, I embrace thee, like a porcupine

Our ever-changing world can be tough for those of us who are “at a certain age”.  Our kids eat up all this new stuff like the chip for using it was implanted in their heads at birth, and our parents can simply fall back on the “I’m too old for that crap”.  But for those of us who are stuck in the middle of a culture sambich, we must choose.

Do we want to be cool and hip, know how to use a cell phone for other than making calls?  Do we want to look like we aren’t totally ignorant when people talk about their favorite social media outlets, and give our kids one more reason to be embarrassed by us?  As in, “Really mom, you have a blog?  Oh brother.” Followed by the Eye Roll Of Incredulity.

Or, will we be forever stuck in the dark ages of the 20th century.  Just waiting to be thrown on the heap of once loved but now discarded and useless objects like 8 tracks, VHS tapes, cameras that use film and TVs that have a dial.  So, we must decide.  Do we want to forge ahead and be one of the beautiful people?  Or do we stay behind and watch all the cool kids drive off in their electric cars while we sit on the curb in our parachute pants with our pet rock, looking stupid?

Of course, there are people who use technology for “work” but for most of us, we do what our bosses tell us to do with our computers.  It does most or all of the work, and we just have to point, click,  maybe do a little typing, hit enter and hope we didn’t screw it up somehow.  So this cornucopia of yummy high-tech goodies  intended to streamline our powerful lives is really just a toy for most of us.  But we love our toys, don’t we?

Almost as big as a dryer, with a 5 inch screen. Now that was TV!

Something as simple as the beloved pastime of watching television has almost become too complex for some, including myself.  I remember when there was nothing worth watching on the 3 channels available.  Now there’s nothing to watch on the 347 channels sucked into my home by the satellite dish that has ruined the look of my front porch.  Those were the days when an evening of tv was a perfect way to ignore your family and waste your time.  Now, we have the internet for that. But again we are faced with:  Should I watch TV on the internet?  Or should I surf the web on my TV.  So many choices one’s head is likely to explode.  No biggie there.  I’m sure I can find a You Tube video for putting it back together.

I for one have decided to plod ahead into THE FUTURE……..oooooh!  It came slowly.  With a cell phone.  A HUGE cell phone.

My first cell phone. Did you know they make houses out of these now? Cheaper than bricks, and all the circuitry keeps the alien rays from sucking your brain dry.

From then on, there was no stopping me on my slow but steady race to absolutely nowhere on the information superhighway.  In the early days, my foray into cyberspace was pretty limited to buying more stuff than I could possibly use on Ebay, and consequently, reselling the same garbage on Ebay later, when I realized I had more stuff than I could possibly use.

Then came E-mail, which I have decided is a great way to keep in touch with people when you are just too damn lazy to write a letter by hand.  When your stationery has turned yellow, and you realize that postage has gone up 23 cents since the last time you wrote a letter, email is the way to go.  Is  bragging saying hello to a friend you haven’t seen in 15 years really worth the time it takes to write a letter, find their real address, waste 45 of your precious pennies on a stamp and remember to mail the damn thing?  Of course not!

I’m so lonely. I feel empty inside.

The next logical step on the journey was Facebook.  Back in the day when the old people were just starting to invade,  eliciting yet another eye roll from the offspring.  It’s not just for kids anymore!  It didn’t take long to realize that my so-called “friends” were still incredibly good-looking, successful and apparently ageless.  Yay! One more way to make me feel depressed and inadequate!  While Facebook may be the perfect place for miracles like rekindling the romance of a lifetime for some,(please use extreme caution with this one) it has become rather boring for me.   It used to be so much fun to post a ridiculous status update and random profile pics just to see what people would say.  Now it’s all about apps, games, someecards, political rants, and religious musings.  But it did help me realize I was still as crazy, creative and wacky as those old friends remembered me to be.

Remember me? The Facebook Ice Cream Cone Head? Oh yeah, nothing says “Low Tech Loser” like using me for your profile pic.

Facebook just wasn’t cutting it.  It was not garnering me the volume of attention that I need to survive.  So, I decided to start a blog.  But now I actually have to think.  I must go beyond the spurts of brilliance and flesh things out to at least a few thousand words to make it really juicy and boring for my readers.  Throwing in a fair amount of pictures is also cool as deep fried butter on a stick.  Some of them I took myself.  With my cell phone even!  It has a camera!

But not this one. I stole it offa Google Images.

Blogging involves a lot of adds ons and doo dads.  Social media if you will.  You want all the shiny buttons for people to click.  So of course you have to join Twitter.  This time the eye-roll came from my darling husband.  “You joined TWITTER?”  He just realized this the other day, since he reads my blog posts on his shiny space-age cell phone, he doesn’t get the side bar and all the clicky clickys.   I really don’t know much about Twitter, except that the word “Twitter” itself must be some sort of coded acronym for Random Celebrity Non-Sequitors.  Because that’s pretty much what it is.  I can twit the live long day, and I can tell you by gosh that those 5 followers really pump up the page views.  Woo Hoo!  I still have no idea what the purpose of Twitter really is, and probably never will.  Like who really built The Sphinx, it will haunt us for all time.

I’m so cute! You really need to follow me. I’m tilting my head like an adorable little puppy because I have no idea why.

Last but not least, we have Pinterest.  The showcase for those who are smart enough to feel responsible for stealing other people’s ideas and giving them credit.  Take a look at my boards!  Here’s all the stuff I would do myself if I had the time, the money, the creativity or the energy.  But I don’t.  So just look at what my beautiful life would be like if I felt the urge to do anything that takes more effort than “pinning” something that some other brilliant person did.

Poke, poke POKE! Sticking pins in EVERYTHING!! So easy to build a perfect virtual life. That’s just freaking creepy!!!!
Get off your ass and go to Hobby Lobby or Home Depot already!!!! Geez!

 

I thought I was done with this post, and discovered that one of my favorite fellow bloggers now has a facebook page for his blog.  Is that what I must do next?   Will the shameless attempts at attention-whoring never end for me?  Someone please save me from myself.  But not until you have nominated me for more awards, liked this post, get my new posts delivered to you via email, followed me on Twitter and Pinterest, posted this on YOUR facebook page, and do whatever it takes to get it on Tumblr, Digg or Reddit.  I don’t have the energy to even think about those yet.  I’m too busy gloating to my friends who have Dish Network that I can still watch AMC,…but I don’t know what channel it’s on.  

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6 thoughts on “Digital age, I embrace thee, like a porcupine

  1. I don’t get Twitter either. It sounds like code that only the cool kids know and won’t share with us (me, not you) bookish nerds in the corner picking our ears with our sliderules.

  2. Julie, your blogs–this one included–should be included in a time capsule somewhere! You have perfectly described the black hole of interpersonal relationships that our society seems to have stepped into. You say it much better than I…..thank you.
    Suzy (’cause I’m still old fashioned enough to sign my letters :) )

    • Hey there Suzy, thanks for reading! I’ll text, email or facebook you later–ha ha. Can’t forget that your brother and I found each other somewhere in that black hole, so it is good for few things anyway. ;-)

  3. Love it, and so very true! I’ve never tried Twitter, and I don’t wanna! I haven’t even linked my blog to my Facebook page, nor will I. Ok, I admit I’m a bit of a “closet blogger”, only those I really wanted to know about my blog… know. The rest of my followers, like yourself (thank you, Julie) are people who stumbled upon me, accidentally. I like that much better! I feel like I “earned” those followers. Technology is awesome in many ways, but there is so much more to worry about too, especially with kids & internet (Lord help us). I love that pic of the huge-ass tv with the little screen; wouldn’t people from 100 years ago be shocked at technology today? I’ve got to confess, however, I’m addicted to Pinterest! Yes, it’s everything you said it is… but I SWEAR I’m going to do everything I’ve repinned, LOL!

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