I meant to do that! – Friday FAIL Funnies!

We had so much fun here yesterday, didn’t we?  The audience participation was a huge success, and I appreciate all of your great haikus and comments.  For those of you who missed it, please step out of the lame and into the light by clicking here.  Dust off your existential musings, gentle readers, Thursday Haiku Madness! will now be a weekly event, and I will gladly post links to your previous 5-7-5 nuggets of genius on my page if you alert me to them.  Ahem…let’s move on to new business.

We all have them.  Your most embarrassing moments.  Your epic fails.  Days when you are not on your game, and all your friends are thankful that you are not a brain surgeon or an air traffic controller.  So what should you do with those moments that you’d like to forget ever happened?  Well, sheeeeeeeet, you can post them here.  In fact, this is an invitation for you to do just that!  

Welcome to Friday FAIL Funnies!!!  One more thing to waste your time each and every week!  I’ll even be nice.  I will ask you to post the runner up.  Your 2nd most embarrassing moment.  I’ll earn your trust and confidence by sharing one of my own to get you started. Yay for you! –Aren’t you proud of me?  I have matured so much in the last couple of days.  I didn’t promise cookies or porn.  I am “empathizing” and “identifying with” my audience.  I’m so smooth at this, I firmly believe you will hardly miss the lack of “valuable content” here, if you even notice its absence at all.

My darling husband, The Incredible Skulk

Once upon a time, last summer, Prince Charming and I embarked on  a long journey to one of my favorite places in all the land.  It took us many hours to get there, but it is always worth a long and bumpy carriage ride.

Carnivore’s Paradise, Freddy’s Steakburgers

As any princess who’s worth her weight in diamonds (like myself) knows, a long and bumpy carriage ride is very tough on   a  delicate royal bladder.  Shortly after arriving at our destination, I needed to visit the ladies room, and FAST.  As always, Freddy’s was packed with people and it appeared that we would have to wait a hundred years to obtain our charred animal flesh ambrosia.    I left my handsome escort in charge of ordering a #4 with everything for me; should we be blessed with reaching the Altar Of Requests before my return.   

When I rejoined my darling in the line, now ready to re-fill myself with an 87 oz Diet Pepsi, I noticed that the peasants were all looking at me like I had a third eyeball growing out of my forehead.  Had they identified me as the heir to the throne, perhaps?

 “Why is everyone staring at me, Prince Charming?”  I asked with eyelashes batting alluringly. 

“Because you just came out of the men’s room, you dork.”

Tag~you’re it! 

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19 thoughts on “I meant to do that! – Friday FAIL Funnies!

  1. While on vacation at a Disney World resort last month, I often griped at how easy it was to lose your bearings, given our resort was so big and to me all the buildings looked the same. My kids thought it was hilarious that I frequently headed down the wrong path only to have to backtrack when I realized I was walking toward the wrong building.

    One night, my youngest had a sunburn that was bothering her, so I grumpily got elected to trudge down the to concierge desk at 1:30 in the morning to buy some aloe lotion. Unamused and tired, I hadn’t taken my room key, nor was I paying too much attention, so I got really annoyed when I got back to our room and found that the lights were off. Thinking everyone had gone to bed on me while I was traipsing around the countryside in the middle of the night, I started banging on the door, loudly and impatiently. Thirty seconds later, I realized I was banging my fist on the door of the wrong room.

    I hightailed it right quick, but I’m sure I scared the crap out of the people inside, who were probably calling the cops thinking it was some sort of attempted room invasion.

    Fail for me. Definitely.

    • Ha! That’s great! You are such an awesome dad. Thanks so much for playing. I was starting to think I wouldn’t have any takers. I thought of a really embarrassing moment of my own after I posted this earlier. I will be sure to put it up next Friday, so watch for it. It’s always a complete and utter failure when your “moments” happen in front of grade school kids.

  2. Would walking into a wall at the mall while staring at a hot guy who isn’t your husband count? Because I’ve never done that. I never backed my car up over the curb tearing the whole muffler system out from under it while the neighbors (6 of them) laughed either.

  3. Here is just one of many. I worked for an electric company, and I was single at the time. There were far more guys in the company than women, and I knew the Christmas party would be guy-heavy, too. So, of course, I got a new dress, stilettos, hair done – the works. I arrived fashionably late. Ok, I may have been the last person to arrive. When I walked into the building, I realized I had to walk down a sweeping staircase. I stood at the top of the stairs, and most of the people turned to look. It felt awkward walking down the staircase alone, but I made my best entry with my head held high. I was nearly halfway down, when my heel caught in the back of my dress (yes, it does happen!), and I pitched headlong down about six steps before i could catch myself. My knees took the worst of it. I wanted to die!

  4. Hell yeah! I got a good one. Well, I thought it was funny. I went out on a first date one time with this chick to go see a movie. The theater seats were divided into two sections; there was a front section, and a rear section, with a walkway that divided the two areas. The two of us sat in the front row of the rear section because I hate having to walk through 12 people to go to the bathroom. So, we were “snuggling” with each other, and I was leaning towards her on my butt-cheek — the butt-cheek with my wallet under it. I didn’t move the entire first half of the movie, and unbeknownst to me, my ENTIRE leg went numb while seated on my wallet. I decided to go to the bathroom, and popped up casually and quickly, went to take a step forward, only to discover that I had 0% usage of my leg. I fell over like a telephone pole into the middle of the isle. I struggled on the ground for a bit and could not get up. I think the first few rows of people thought I was having a seizure or choking on a piece of popcorn or something. A few of them were ready to get up — so was I. Finally, I popped up, took a bow, and laughed uncontrollably about it the whole way home with the cool-ass chick I was with…Good times! (I still ended up with a second date)

    • Oh! That sounds so embarrassing! So glad you got a second date though. I’m so glad people are actually sharing their stories here. I wasn’t sure anyone would do it. I hope to see more in the coming weeks. One of my friends went on a date with a guy and threw up all over his car. I think she was just plain sick, and it happened when he picked her up, not after a night of drinking. I don’t think I could ever show my face if that had happened to me. Thanks for playing! Now, make sure to come back Thursday with your killer haikus!

  5. Pingback: Hi there! How did you get here? « The Cheeky Diva

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