The Cheeky Movember Post

This is the best I can do,
since I can’t really grow my own.

As many of you know, it is now Movember.  That special time of year where we are asked to grow a mustache for one month.   Why on Earth would you want to do that? For those of you who don’t know just what Movember is…..

 Movember is the month when people the world over use that mustache,  their blog pages, their time and their donations to raise awareness and funds to battle  men’s  health issues.  Most notably, prostate and testicular cancer.  I have wanted to get on board with this in some way, but until this morning I had no idea how one as shallow as myself could tackle such sensitive, serious and life threatening issues.  How could Your Cheekyness post about these very real issues and maintain the cheek?  I think I figured it out.   In my own twisted way, I will address one of the easiest and most important  things that can be done to save your health and lengthen your life–prevention and early detection. Please see your doctor for regular check ups. 

This post is to honor my own father, who sadly died at the age of 52, from something that may have been prevented if he had been under the care of a physician.  Here’s hoping that all the great folks who support and spread Movember can save a Dad today.

 Please read, read the related articles, write you own Movember post, donate to one or  more of the causes that support the treatment and eradication of these terrible killers, and grow your own damn mustache.

Okay, let the post begin!~

In the beginning there was Man.  Well, not at the very beginning, but you know what I mean.  Man was strong! GRRRR!  Man was powerful.  Man hunted, Man killed, Man provided, and Man protected.  That made Man proud.  Too proud. Too proud to seek medical attention and therefore- appear weak. 

I am invincible!   I am MAN.  There is nothing wrong with me.  I’m fine.  Now get out there and skin that Woolly Mammoth I killed for you.  Chew that hide well, woman,  I want that new loin cloth to be extra soft and comfy.  

Check ups are for wussies!

Even Homer’s epic hero, Ulysses Everett McGill, was so prideful that he was jailed for practicing dentistry without a license.  And then he got hit by a train.

But I’m the Pater Familias.
I can do whatever I want!

As a result of this enormous pride, or Hummus, as the Geeks liked to call it, Man croaked early, like a whole buncha times, with no explanation.

Shit! Should have listened to Woman. Me all kinds of dead now.

That must be why Charles Darwin invented women when he made up the theory of relativity.   To nag man into seeing the doctor, or the barber, as the guy who cut your hair used to be the local medical expert.

Leeches, bleeding, dung. Nothing’s working. It must be a demon.

In those days, the barber of Seville would cut you open and bleed you, or put leeches all over you to suck the poison out. If your owie was especially bad, you’d get the good stuff.  A poltergeist made out of dung and puke.  Not very effective, but hey, at least the guy was trying. While medical care did advance,..slowly… Man continued to avoid going to see the Shaman, the Medicine Man, the Voodoo Priestess or that barber.

I can assure you that our blood letting techniques are cutting edge.
Ho Ho! I made a funny!

During the middle ages, medicine and science in general were thought to be Hennessey, and that those who tried to advance technology were in league with The Devil.  Hangings, beheadings, witch burning; oh, those were the days.  If you knew of an herb that would save someone’s life, you better just keep your mouth shut, or you would be the Execution Du Jour for your backward thinking little hamlet.

It’s starve a cold, feed a fever, you fools!

Okay Medieval Man, I’ll give you a break here, the Black Death, combined with ignorance and the fear of God kept you away from your local HMO.  Kings and peasants alike were not immune to these detriments to your long-term health.

She says we can live longer if we just wash our hands! Burn her!!! Satan is speaking through her!

It wasn’t until the 1800’s when Dr. Frankenstein and his contemporaries started experimenting with dissected cadavers that medical breakthroughs really began to happen.

When we figure out what all those nasty, slimy things are inside a man, we can learn to fix them.

Bodies were not yet donated for the benefit of study, so  the dead had to be stolen. The dirty work was done by grave robbers.  I know the thought is repulsive, and you prefer to have your scientific corpses nice and clean and stored in a top-notch research facility, but get off your high horse and thank these dregs of humanity.  

We got us a nice fresh one ‘ere! ‘Ardly smells at all.
That’s worth a few quid.

Without them, anatomy and medicine would not be where it is today.  The doctors of the Victorian era risked life, health and career to study these specimens, so shame on you for poo-pooing the symbiotic mad doctor/grave robber relationship.

Take out wrenched ankle!

But YOU..yes you 19th century man, were more interested in filling your opulent home with stolen artifacts from your trip to Egypt and hopping on the wildly popular “Spiritualism”  movement ~ talking to your dead friends through a medium~friends who were probably dead because they were too pompous and fancy to go to the doctor! 

Just look at all that crap!
Do you really need all of that?
All that dust just can’t be healthy for you, can it?

It’s ironic, that the man who blew the lid off of the charlatans of Spiritualism, the much beloved Harry Houdini, died as a result of failing to seek medical attention.  Many conflicting reports surrounded his death, but what really killed him was rampant, unattended infection due to an ignored appendicitis.  We all know Harry Houdini was a genius, and master of self promotion, just a total dumbass when it came to self-preservation. Please, do not follow in his footsteps.  Thank you so much for reading all the way to the end, and please support Movember any way you can.

I didn’t go to the doctor, so I DIED! Don’t let it happen to you!

46 thoughts on “The Cheeky Movember Post

      • I lost my dad too I don’t know whether going to the doctor faster would have helped or not but I agree that men need to look after themselves more!

      • My father died from a heart attack. An autopsy showed his arteries were almost fully blocked and his cholesterol was well over 400. Sadly, the only time he usually went to the doctor was when he suffered an unfortunate household accident-like cutting his thumb in half with the hedge trimmer. Men!

      • Cool! My kids always did No Shave November when they were in high school, but I’m not sure if that’s related to this, or if they even knew. I think they’d be really embarrassed by their old mom, which of course, is always my goal. ;-)

      • Gotcha. Maybe I’ll do a post about a house full of teenaged boys all trying to grow bad ass beards! Actually, I think I’m going to do a list of old men–who survived cancer through early detection and good treatment. Or maybe just guys who got old by taking care of themselves. I dunno. Got a week to figure it out, don’t I?

    • Thank you so much! When I get an idea for a post, usually, the pictures I want come to mind first, then the rest just falls into place. At least the posts that have a lot of pictures. Those are the most fun to write. :-)

  1. So very well done, Diva. Brilliant. And for the record — absolutely serious here — I will be making an appointment with my physician first thing tomorrow. Thanks for the push.

      • Oh yeah? Well, I like Wikepedia because I can post my own history. Or I used to be able to. Didn’t they used to do that? Let people post whatever shit they wanted to? Whether it was fact or not? -The inspiration for this post came from a high school memory. A girl did a report on George Gershwin. Don’t know if you remember him or not. Many classic songs written by George and Ira Gerswhin. Anyhoo–she said he “grew up and married a nice girl named Ira”- If memory serves, Ira was George’s brother. Not his wife. I kept chuckling at that memory the whole time I was writing this post. Thanks for the fun comments!

  2. Thank you a lot for giving everyone such a spectacular chance to read in detail from this website. It can be so sweet and full of fun for me and my office peers to visit your web site at minimum 3 times a week to read the fresh issues you will have. And definitely, I am certainly fascinated with the fantastic tactics you serve. Certain 4 tips in this post are essentially the most impressive we have all had.

    • Why thank you my dear! Thank you for taking a break from Nanowrimo to say hi! We’ll have to chat a bit this afternoon. Another open house in half an hour-barf! So I need to finish a few things and get out of here. ;-)

  3. Pingback: Le Haute Haiku! From Le Cheeky Diva! | A Clown On Fire

  4. Pingback: Well look-ey here! « The Cheeky Diva

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