Or making it appear to be.
Some of my readers may think I’m wildly successful, have a throng of adoring fans, and am making a shit-ton of money with this blog. Or maybe you’ve got a suspicion that I’m just like that creepy guy behind the curtain. Perception is reality, and it’s all about appearances, right? Whichever it is, even someone as mediocre as myself may have a valuable thing or two to offer the Blog-Gods of tomorrow.
(One of which, I’d like to be myself some day.)
Does that jackass look like he
knows how to get to Kansas?
Since I’ve been at this blog writing gig for four whole months forever, I thought I would be nice for a change, and help out my fellow wannabes. What follows is a sure fire list of things to put your bloggity bloggity blog on the juiced up, speeding rail line to the gravy train of middling success.
1. Share your knowledge and expertise
So many people want to start a blog, or to make their blog THE ONE BLOG that readers wake up and look for each and every day. Give the people what they want. Offer advice, give instructions on a great DIY project, share recipes with mouthwatering pictures. Pass out all of your tips! Like I’m doing now. Make sure you put “Top Ten List” somewhere in your title, that way, the evil search engine tentacles can find it. It worked for me! You’re here reading aren’t you?
2. Share your blog on Facebook
Can’t stress this enough. The benefit of this is two-fold. Not only does it artificially inflate your follower count, but it’s sweet payback. Now all of your Facebook friends will have to scroll through your never-ending blog posts, just like you have to scroll through all of their stupid, effing E-cards. Us geezers are all just on the Facebook to spy on our kids, and frankly, having my page crapped up with all this just irritates me. If you get a hit once in a while from this, it’s a bonus. Just enjoy the numbers, and feel good that you are crapping up Facebook with something you actually wrote.
3. Comment everywhere
On every blog post you visit. Really, for real. It’s a rule or something. It’s nice to know people are actually reading. Don’t just be a serial “liker”. People like words. You can do better than a smiley face or a “Nice post! It changed my life!” I know you can. You’re a writer, make your comments creative and engaging. Keep the conversation going. That makes you look at least marginally intelligent. I get many clicks from my brilliant comments I’ve left on other blog posts.
And don’t be such a whiny baby!! Reply to all the comments on your own blog that you can. Unless it turns into some long, oddball conversation that goes off on a totally unrelated tangent. That’s what *Twitter is for. (See #5)
*-Tweeting and blog-pimping all day long have gotten me more pity clicks than I can count. Trust me. Try it for yourself.
4. Badges? Hell, yes, you need some stinking badges.
Choose a theme with at least one or two sidebars. More if that’s possible. Crap up those sidebars with everything you can think of! Awards, associations, companion blogs, your Etsy store, whatever. More clicky-clickys. You want to give the illusion that you’re all over the place, and that not reading you is frowned upon. Make sure all those clicks actually lead to something you’re really involved in. Don’t be Rick-Rolling anyone, like I just did to you.
5. Be a social media butterfly.
Be everywhere! Twitter, Pinterest, Amazon, Trip Advisor, Joe’s Website, -anywhere that you can artfully shove that perfectly crafted Gravatar into the face of potential readers. It’s called “branding” just in case you didn’t know (eyeroll), and it’s key for garnering a following. I love Twitter and Pinterest. Where else can I be so brilliant with only 140 characters! Or with just pictures! Hell yeah. If you aren’t doing this, you are missing out, fer sher.
Adding Twitter to your “publicize” is another dee-lish-us way to boost that follower count. BONUS!!-You get 2-count em-2!–Follows if someone follows you on Word Press and on Twitter. If they are really a fan-boy, and follow you by email as well, that’s a total of 3 follows, all from just one creepy stalker! As of this writing, my sidebar asks you to “join 695 other followers” Sharing, Publicize and deftly wrought deception have cleverly disguised the fact that my actual follower count is closer to 4. Like really close to 4.
6. Be Search Engine Friendly.
Make good use of key words. Use them frequently, a lot and often. Did I say often? In the title or towards the top, or even in the name of your blog. I’m thinking about changing the name of my blog to The Naked Cheeky Porn Diva. The words NAKED and PORN are great for grabbing those late night perv hits. I have a post titled “FREE PORN HERE” and there hasn’t been a day without at least a few search engine hits for “free porn” since it was published. Gotta love those pervs.
7. Use Zementa
Adding related articles to the footer of your blog post is another two-sided goodie. You look like a nice guy, throwing a spotlight on other up and comers, and in turn, they may do it for you. Just remember, when you get a pending comment that looks like it may be spam, more than likely it’s another blog-genius of the future who is giving you a nice pingback. Those can be really valuable. Of course, if it’s from UGG Boots Australia, and says “Nice pictures Tammy!” it’s probably spam. -Unless your blog is about UGGs and your name is Tammy.
8. Write “meaningful content”
Okay, I can’t even count the times I have thumbed my nose at this little concept. In fact, unmeaningful content is exactly what I do. But that doesn’t mean that what I’m writing right now isn’t meaningful. Crap! See, now I made you think I don’t know what I’m doing again. Grrrr. Me and my big mouth. (See #9)
9. Jump all over writing challenges.
Specifically, the Word Press challenges. The Daily Prompt Post has gotten me more hits, likes, comments, followers and readers than possibly anything else I’ve done in the last four months. Getting them done as fast as you possibly can-don’t worry if what you wrote is garbage-so you get on the linkback list is hit count gold!
Now here’s a blog I actually get up salivating to read! ( See #1). These challenges benefit blog writers in numerous ways. They really stretch your creative muscles, expose you to new readers and when your days can be as empty as mine sometimes, it’s all I have to look forward to. *Sniff* Taking part in the challenges also brings to blogging a sense of community, when you see how others respond to the same challenge. The challenges take you out of your comfort zone, show the world that you’re not just a one trick Diva. I mean, I’m not a one trick Diva…right?
10. Buy a domain name.
Having a real, honest to goodness dot com behind your name tells the world you’re serious. You aren’t going anywhere. You care enough to write this damn blog, and you care enough to spend $18 a year to prove to the world how damn good at it you are. If your blog is popular enough, you may qualify for Word Ads, which by the way, is going so well for me, that they might actually have to pay me some real money in about 12 years time.
So there you have it! I’m sure you’ve heard it all before, but doesn’t it just sound better, more user-friendly, easier to understand when I say it? Of course it does! And just because I love you all so damn much, total strangers, I’m going to give you one last bonus tip~
BONUS TIP
Even though it’s really nothing more than queen for a day, (who am I kidding? It’s EVERYTHING) get yourself Freshly Pressed. What could possibly give you more clout in the blog world than having the blue badge of badass gracing your page? Not very damn much.
Look at that, Hortence! She’s gone and got herself Freshly Pressed! This crazy bitch may just be worth reading after all.
Related articles
- Anatomy of an Effective Blog Post (toddlohenry.com)
- Link Building for the Little Guys (seomoz.org)
- 8 Places You Should Promote Your Blog to Get More Readers (blogs.constantcontact.com)
- Generate more traffic at your blog (itmashable.com)
This is the first helpful article I’ve ever read on successful blogging……which hasn’t made me fall asleep after the first sentence. And I’ve read a few. And never learn’t anything before. Probably due to the falling asleep thingy. Love your writing style, very amusing.
Thanks so much! What a nice thing to say. If you’re on Twitter, don’t forget to recommend this awesome, life changing post to @Freshly_pressed, as who wouldn’t want THAT again, (See #5). Wink wink. Thanks for following, I hope I will make it worth your while. Helpful information doesn’t have to be boring. I hope I made it not boring.
Crumbs, for a techno phobe I’m on a steep learning curve. Genuinely enjoyed the post. Have sent a tweet to @Freshly_pressed recommending it. And have followed you on Twitter. Now I need a lie down!
Sa-Weet! Thanks! See, folks? Double follow. Woo Hoo and shit! Minions! I love minions!!! Ha ha. Have a nice nap and thanks again!
Four likes and no comments? After you specifically told them to comment and not just like! Shame, shame, shame.
ugh, my fault, one comment. I didn’t see that. But still, there’s more likes. . . so yeah
No biggie. Glad you dropped by! Thanks.
Well, I guess you can lead a horse to a blog post, but you can’t make him count his chickens. Or whatever. What did I just say? It appears that I’m better at telling people what to do than making them do it. Thank you for following the rules and junk.
Ok, ok… I’m commenting! I’m guilty as charged. I hop from blog to blog give a quick thank you… or “like” that is and move on many times without being kind enough to even say hello…. I blame on being an Introvert. I’m very new to this blogging thing but I’ll try to do better and practice proper etiquette.
Oh, I do it too! This post is-like most of mine-all in good fun. I appreciate the time you took to read and comment. Have faith, you will be an old hand at this blog thing in no time. Everybody here on Word Press that I have encountered so far is super friendly and supportive. I have been posting since July and I don’t think I’ve had a negative comment yet.
Well, you write like a Pro and I enjoy reading your blog, especially the tips you give…. keep up the good work.
Thank you! Some days, I just have wayyyyyy too much fun with this. Bummer I haven’t found a way to make this my “job” yet, but still looking!
Me too girl, me too! I’ll be watching for you blog on how to blog for the big bucks.
Um, yeah. haven’t written THAT post yet. Ahem….but watch for it, okay?
It’s about time you started educating the masses! And I like being Rick-Rolled; it makes me laugh, and this time I read all the little tidbits about the video as they popped up. Hope you get a million hits on this; there’s good advice in here. This winter, when I *really* don’t have anything to do, I”ll drag my butt over to Twitter and see what I can do to muck it up.
Oh you should! Just to see what oozes out of Gary Busey’s brain is worth the trip to Twitterville.
Great tips to fame and fortune Cheeky. I’ve seen that top ten list format work so many times. I will have incorporate it into my next post! Thanks for the reminder!
I just don’t know if I can jump onto the Facebook bandwagon but the Daily Prompt Post sounds intriguing, I think I will have to get on board!
Oh yeah. Totally get going with the DP challenge. One day I got over 200 hits from that alone. About Facebook? Wondering if your “real” friends are going to read your blog? Fear not, the new wears off after about 3 posts, and I think maybe two people who know me in the real world besides my husband read it now. And don’t forget the PORN! By the way, I’m working on a post where I’m giving people-including you a major award. Of course, I’m too lazy to go to your blog and alert you, so consider this your notification.
I’ll see if I can work out my aversion to facebook and I will definitely find a way to add the word porn in a post, I can only imagine the results.
Thanks for the notification, can’t wait for the rest!
I counted yesterday, and I have gotten almost a hundred hits from the “free porn” thing. Not a ton over time, but it all adds up.
The DP challenges don’t really interest me most of the time. But I try to do everything else on this list. Except get Freshly Pressed. I’m not sure what those people are thinking most of the time, but most of the stuff that gets Pressed isn’t very interesting to me. Present company excluded, of course. Cause you’re effing awesome!
So are you! That’s why I nominated you for the Reader Appreciation award, and in the height of lazy, cheeky fashion-I lured you here to be notified.
LMAO! Thanks. I can’t believe I was duped, though. I’m so gullible.
No you weren’t! I’m a colossal sloth.You just made it easy for me. You weren’t duped, you’re just an “enabler” ha ha. Thanks so much as always for reading and commenting. And I hope to see pictures or your Star Wars gingerbread sculptures in the coming weeks.
Holy crap! I don’t know if I can do that!
When I was looking for a pic of the gingerbread AT-AT walker, I actually stumbled upon plans for making one. You can do it. Don’t make me find your lack of faith disturbing.
I have no doubt that I can, but finding the time is something else…
Yeah, my son and I talked about it this weekend. This is the kind of thing we would have done as a project when the kids were little. We made a gingerbread house every year for quite a while, but nothing like this. If he didn’t live two hours away now, we might do it anyway, even though he’s just about to turn 20 years old.
I have a one-year-old and an odd set of life circumstances right now, so there’s no way I’d have time to do it.
thank you for sharing your wisdom with us oh kind Karma Queen of all Wonders–a lot of good hints here – am going to break down and get a Facebook Page I guess
My facebook page for my blog does all but nothing for me. I was talking about my personal profile. I was dumb and couldn’t figure out how to do a “page” without using my personal account. So for now, my FB friends follow me whether they like it or not. Tee hee.
that is a good thing! (if sneaky–but I like sneaky)
I’m changing the name of my blog to The Naked Sneaky Porn Diva.
your popularity is going to go out of this world–I may be putting the word naked in all my tags
Ha ha! Let me know how that works for you!
I will
I thought it said you had a ‘thong’ of adoring fans… sigh…
I need to do some of these things, but I am a computer moron.
I think you should just keep putting more babies in your posts. You and Willy make a great team!
There are plenty of baby blogs out there… there is only one me.
That’s right. And only one Willy. It’s the one-two-punch of Art and Willy that’s so addictively endearing. As Hotspur would say, you’re awesome sauce by yourself, but Willy is the flavor packet. LOL.
Oh man… sigh…
Where is that daily prompt thing, and do I have to put stuff I write for it on my blog?
Um, yeah, Art, that’s the whole idea. You read the prompt, and then you write something on your blog. I’m subscribed by email, so almost every morning, when I’m putting on my “outside of the house” face, I get it.
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/category/daily-prompts/
I always put a link back to the page at the top of the post, so my post appears in their list. Always gets lots of views. I really like doing it.
That sounds good, but my brain doesn’t work like that. I have no control over it.
Yeah, we’ve had this talk before. But if you start looking at them, maybe every so often it will be something that’s right up your alley. Remember, I’m bossy too.
That is fair enough.
Well, I’d like to say that WordPress’ The Daily Post had been telling us how to get more ‘hits’ but this one really hit me more. You did it quite better and a little more, so I won’t say that anymore. Thank you for this very valuable tips.
Can I say thank you and you’re welcome in the same sentence? I guess I just did. I like to do everything with a snarky, fun-poking touch, so as not to start an internet snooze fest. I’m glad you dropped by to read. Your blog is beautiful by the way. Like your pictures and your poetry!
Nice post! It changed my life!
(Hehe…see what I did there?)
Seriously though, you’re effing brilliant.
Hey there! I need to talk to you! I’ll be sending you a short email in a minute. Thanks by the way. Did you see I put in the Hortence picture? That was just for you!
Bless you, Diva. You know how I love me some Hortence!
Wait, not sure if that sounded right…
It made me laugh, and I’m imagining that you have the name Hortence tattooed on your Canadian tushy, so it sounded right to me.
Funny, witty and helpful blog! IMHO not that it counts for anything, you deserve the FP. Because you entertain me! lol One point though, re: that Facebook connection you’re absolutely right it does send up the count higher BUT I’m incongnito here and since I don’t a flying fig about those psuedo-happy people on my FB page that are forever posting pics of them, their kids, their pets and literally bragging about how perfect they are their life is and blah blah blah…I can’t shock them out of their coma by letting them into my secret dark thoughts! lmao!
Good Idea. This is my “happy fun blog” by the way. I have two others. Facebook is a weird thing in and of itself. Reading about all those people I grew up with, who haven’t aged and live perfect lives can drive a person to drink. I’m sooooo over it! Thank you so much for your kind thoughts by the way. I look forward to reading your “secret dark” thoughts too!
Thank you for sharing the list, perfect timing for me, I was just thinking (before reading your post) how does everybody know about this daily prompt thing. Did I miss a setting? Sigh, thanks to you, now I know! I’ve followed it, and now I have a clue. Thanks for making sure I didn’t have a blonde moment totally publicly!
The Cheeky Diva~Saving the world from Blonde Moments, one blog post at a time! I like it! I’m totally stealing it from you. ~But in good blogger etiquette, I will give you credit for the idea, complete with a link to your shiny new blog! See? Isn’t this place great? Love Word Press!
Fabulous! I tell my friends all the time that blonde moments are contagious and you should always be aware before making too much fun. HA!
You should do a post devoted to blonde moments! That would be hilarious!
That’s a hell of an idea! I might do that.
I like your list. Very witty. How do we get those little similar blog post links at the bottom? I would like to do that.
That’s Zementa. If you search it in the support pages, you can learn more about it. It’s in your dashboard, but I honestly can’t remember if it’s always been there, or if I had to turn it on. It’s in the lower right corner when you’re working on a post. You can find free pictures, and related articles. All you have to do is click on the ones you want, and they will just appear at the bottom of your post.
I’ve seen some blogs where those related articles appear as a thumbnail picture, which I would love to do, but I can’t figure out how it’s done.
So glad this was helpful to you!
Thanks!
No problem!
Good advice I can use – thanks!!
Awesome!
Still learning – where do I find the Daily PromptPost?
http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/daily-prompt-take-it-from-me/
There’s a link to today’s prompt. I clicked the “follow by email” button, so I get it right away in the morning, around 7 am my time. You just write, and add a link to the Daily Prompt post at the top of your page, and more often than not, your post will appear in the list of participants. Good luck with this and have fun!
Pingback: And now, a word from our sponsor… « A Lateral Plunge: Where life goes from here…
I almost didn’t click like, because if I did that then didn’t comment, you’d think I was just a serial liker.
Buaaahaaahaa!! Thanks for the laugh! I don’t comment on EVERY post I read, either. I’m a serial killer too I guess.
Hi, well finally, I started getting your posts, whew, it was touch and go for a minute. hi there funny chicka. you rock
Thanks new friend! So glad you are getting my posts. Just what would your day be without them? How goes the hastag learning curve today?
It’s going slow but sure. There’s not enough time in the day to create witty, pithy, RT-able twitter commentary, write my tv show and childen’s book, try to get the attention of a lit agent, finish my etsy store, and go to the gym. So now I’m off to the gym!
Wow! I’m SUCH a loser next to you. You go!!!
I’m not actually successful in any of those things, it’s just on my wish list for when I grow up. Im really really good at wasting my day on twitter crack. but you know what they say, if you think it, it will happen, right??
Oh yes indeedy!!!
A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing,
The dream that you wish will come true.
And it did!!!!
True story.
Now get your ass to the gym! You can tweet on the treadmill
I was in a boot camp and weightraining class no good for tweeting, too much sweating! then I went to a consignment shop and got a F-ING VINTAGE VALENTINO. Swear, I’ll be tweeting/bogging about that in a heartbeat. I’m gonna save that poem of yours, I need it! I did nothing but raise my son for so long, I’m totes out of the loop, but im loopy so its all good. Thank YOU very much!
Nice post! It changed my…oh, Ad-Lib33d already made that joke. *awkward silence*. Tip #6 made me laugh. I like how “FREE PORN HERE” is in the list of top posts and pages. Gotta love those pervs…
Thanks for dropping by! “FREE PORN HERE” has changed my life! Well, that may be an exaggeration.
I’ve been your follower since December and just now started reading your posts before Dec. truly entertaining and marginally meaningful
Marginally meaningful? I love that! The fact that any of them have any meaning at all is news to me! Thanks! I always try to warn people that if they are looking for “valuable content” they’ve clicked on the wrong blog. Ha ha!