Thursday Haiku Madness! Geezer Edition

You’ll be old someday too, you little asshole!

As the weather turns cold, I’m visited more frequently by my old pal Arthur Itis.  Having porked on a few too many pounds since last winter isn’t making him any friendlier than usual either.  So, in the spirit of aging and all the wonderful things it brings, today’s haikus will be centered around the golden years that I am inching toward.  Dragging my nasty bunion covered feet the whole way, for what it’s worth.  Please share your own experiences with the joys of maturity. Barf.  As always, please make your comments in haiku form.  Or don’t!  Share a funny story about being a hip(replacement)ster.  No rules here. Just all fun all the time!  Like a good old folks home.  Waaa-haa-haaa.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Snapping like a twig

You make noises when I walk

Used up skeleton

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ow! There went my hip!

Fallen and I can’t get up

Call the Waaaambulance

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What did you just say?

You look vaguely familiar

Did you call me Mom?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Orthopedic shoes

Detriment to Fashion

Worse than UGGS? Almost

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How nice to see you!

Gaaaah!  What happened to your face?!

Time…….one nasty bitch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Don’t you dare fall out!

I plan to keep all my teeth!

No pudding for me!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perky breasts no more

Roll them up into my bra

Somebody shoot me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Great Beyond Calls~

“Ready for the Big Dirt Nap?”

Piss off! I won’t go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Read obits each day

Hoping not to see my name

Whew!

Safe again today!

(I know, broke the rules on that last one.  Gimme a break, I’m old and forgetful, okay?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, if the buttons on your keyboard are big enough to see, let’s have yours.  No hurry, I’m not going anywhere.  Just gonna sit here and watch my stories.  If I get up too fast, I get “the woozies”.

Big enough?

32 thoughts on “Thursday Haiku Madness! Geezer Edition

  1. Mom is pissed at me
    Told world she is eighty-three
    Geezer eighty-one

    Eyesight failing fast
    Glasses for geezers, not me
    I don’t have moustache

    Knee gave out today
    Used ice then rubbed with Ben Gay
    Geezer smell for sure

    Ok, that’s all I’ve got. Getting old sucks. If I have this much pain now, I can’t even begin to imagine what I’ll feel like in twenty years. Thank you for the lovely images today! ;-)

    • You’re so welcome! I know exactly how you feel. I am only 47! My skeleton is all worn out. Stupid ruptured disks and osteo arthritis. Hopefully, I’ll start forgetting shit soon, so I’ll forget that I’m feeling this way at my age. And go blind too so I can’t see my boobs sagging every time I walk by a mirror.

  2. I read all the comments and they are really some talented writers you have reading your blog, Princess Cheeky Diva. I bet ALL of them live in the beautiful state of Nebraska. Sorry about the corn comment. This is what Wiki had to say…
    Nebraska (i/nəˈbræskə/) is a state on the Great Plains of the Midwestern United States. Its state capital is Lincoln and its largest city is Omaha, on the Missouri River.
    The state is crossed by many historic trails, but it was the California Gold Rush that first brought large numbers here. Nebraska became a state in 1867.
    There are wide variations between winter and summer temperatures, and violent thunderstorms and tornadoes are common. The state is characterized by treeless prairie, ideal for cattle-grazing, and it is a major producer of beef, as well as pork, corn and soybeans. Nebraska is overwhelmingly rural, as the 8th least-densely populated state of the United States.Ethnically, the largest group are German-Americans, and the state has the biggest Czech-American population per capita. During the Great Migration, many African Americans came to Omaha.

  3. late to the party
    so sorry forgot what day
    cannot remember (shit )

    crank crackle
    moan ugh stretch bang POP
    joints brain spent

    (lame I know)

  4. Pingback: LOG ENTRY #38 – Check out my star! ^.^ | thelogbooker

  5. It’s not November
    But there are real classics here
    Glad I found them all

    My most favourite
    Is the one about ‘Dirt Nap’
    I won’t go either!

    (And time – one nasty bitch indeed – lols!)

    • Ha ! I want to compile these dubious classics into a book when we’ve been doing it a year. I’m just now sitting down to write todays. Got so busy I didn’t get it done.

      • That’s a book I’ll be buying then! I’m working on an Anthology of Short Stories for my Writers’ Circle, which I hope to get finished well before the end of May (have to set an arbitrary deadline or nothing will get done). Tonight I’m collaborating on a poem at the moment, my first ever duet!

      • Awesome! Are you collaborating with anyone I know? i may have one of my posts published in a future edition of Life Well Blogged, but it’ll be a while. It’s about marriage, and they just published one on that topic. :-(

        They want a post about parenting, but I’m not much of a mom now since they kids are all grown up. But I was going to do a guest post for a new dad, ~about the dangers of raising kids with a sense of humor. Maybe I’ll submit that one to them too.

      • I’m collaborating with Mrs Hastwords – we’ve pretty much written most of it, just need to finish her off (the poem I mean!) It’s good to have many cheeky fingers in many cheeky pies then when you forget about something and move on, it’s a lovely surprise if it actually gets published! I guess the only downside is that often it’s difficult to sit down and smell the roses every once in a while.

Well.....let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s