You’ll be old someday too, you little asshole!
As the weather turns cold, I’m visited more frequently by my old pal Arthur Itis. Having porked on a few too many pounds since last winter isn’t making him any friendlier than usual either. So, in the spirit of aging and all the wonderful things it brings, today’s haikus will be centered around the golden years that I am inching toward. Dragging my nasty bunion covered feet the whole way, for what it’s worth. Please share your own experiences with the joys of maturity. Barf. As always, please make your comments in haiku form. Or don’t! Share a funny story about being a hip(replacement)ster. No rules here. Just all fun all the time! Like a good old folks home. Waaa-haa-haaa.
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Snapping like a twig
You make noises when I walk
Used up skeleton
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ow! There went my hip!
Fallen and I can’t get up
Call the Waaaambulance
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did you just say?
You look vaguely familiar
Did you call me Mom?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Orthopedic shoes
Detriment to Fashion
Worse than UGGS? Almost
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How nice to see you!
Gaaaah! What happened to your face?!
Time…….one nasty bitch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don’t you dare fall out!
I plan to keep all my teeth!
No pudding for me!
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Perky breasts no more
Roll them up into my bra
Somebody shoot me
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The Great Beyond Calls~
“Ready for the Big Dirt Nap?”
Piss off! I won’t go!
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Read obits each day
Hoping not to see my name
Whew!
Safe again today!
(I know, broke the rules on that last one. Gimme a break, I’m old and forgetful, okay?)
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Okay, if the buttons on your keyboard are big enough to see, let’s have yours. No hurry, I’m not going anywhere. Just gonna sit here and watch my stories. If I get up too fast, I get “the woozies”.
Big enough?
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Running from the rea-
per, I will not go gently
into that good night
Ha ha! Love it. Run run run!!!! By the way, loved your post this morning. I need to go back and make a comment, only had time to like, cuz…..I was reading blogs.
I don’t get haikus
Why cap creativity?
I don’t understand
Haikus in my blood
One note haiku Diva, eh?
they are sucktastic!
Haikus resemble
Posts on Twitter, limited
And I loathe Twitter
Put Diva in box
And just watch her go to town!
Magic happens then
(not really)
Did I forget that?
I’ve always had scatterbrains
I’m not getting old!
I love denial!
Always gets me through the day
I meant to do that!
Young with chickpox
Old with shingles
Aging is just a *itch
Aint that the truth!?
Theme haiku? That’s just crazy… and awesomepepperoni.
Mom is pissed at me
Told world she is eighty-three
Geezer eighty-one
Eyesight failing fast
Glasses for geezers, not me
I don’t have moustache
Knee gave out today
Used ice then rubbed with Ben Gay
Geezer smell for sure
Ok, that’s all I’ve got. Getting old sucks. If I have this much pain now, I can’t even begin to imagine what I’ll feel like in twenty years. Thank you for the lovely images today!
You’re so welcome! I know exactly how you feel. I am only 47! My skeleton is all worn out. Stupid ruptured disks and osteo arthritis. Hopefully, I’ll start forgetting shit soon, so I’ll forget that I’m feeling this way at my age. And go blind too so I can’t see my boobs sagging every time I walk by a mirror.
I read all the comments and they are really some talented writers you have reading your blog, Princess Cheeky Diva. I bet ALL of them live in the beautiful state of Nebraska. Sorry about the corn comment. This is what Wiki had to say…
Nebraska (i/nəˈbræskə/) is a state on the Great Plains of the Midwestern United States. Its state capital is Lincoln and its largest city is Omaha, on the Missouri River.
The state is crossed by many historic trails, but it was the California Gold Rush that first brought large numbers here. Nebraska became a state in 1867.
There are wide variations between winter and summer temperatures, and violent thunderstorms and tornadoes are common. The state is characterized by treeless prairie, ideal for cattle-grazing, and it is a major producer of beef, as well as pork, corn and soybeans. Nebraska is overwhelmingly rural, as the 8th least-densely populated state of the United States.Ethnically, the largest group are German-Americans, and the state has the biggest Czech-American population per capita. During the Great Migration, many African Americans came to Omaha.
Wow! you now know more about where I live than I do! Thanks!
I like your Haiku
About your booby problems.
I did laugh so hard
Buuuahaaaahaa! Thanks!
My old dog farts lots.
He has selective hearing.
He is a jack-ass!
You sure it’s the dog?
That sounds way too much like me
Love me, farts and all
(Where’s the smiley that’s sticking it’s tongue out?)
Tongue-out dude is him.
He can’t help it anymore.
Easy for fart blame!
With haiku’s you have
- praise Thursday Haiku Madness -
made me fall in love!
(Y)
late to the party
so sorry forgot what day
cannot remember (shit )
crank crackle
moan ugh stretch bang POP
joints brain spent
(lame I know)
That’s not lame at all
Sounds like getting out of bed
My bones noisy too
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It’s not November
But there are real classics here
Glad I found them all
My most favourite
Is the one about ‘Dirt Nap’
I won’t go either!
(And time – one nasty bitch indeed – lols!)
Ha ! I want to compile these dubious classics into a book when we’ve been doing it a year. I’m just now sitting down to write todays. Got so busy I didn’t get it done.
That’s a book I’ll be buying then! I’m working on an Anthology of Short Stories for my Writers’ Circle, which I hope to get finished well before the end of May (have to set an arbitrary deadline or nothing will get done). Tonight I’m collaborating on a poem at the moment, my first ever duet!
Awesome! Are you collaborating with anyone I know? i may have one of my posts published in a future edition of Life Well Blogged, but it’ll be a while. It’s about marriage, and they just published one on that topic.
They want a post about parenting, but I’m not much of a mom now since they kids are all grown up. But I was going to do a guest post for a new dad, ~about the dangers of raising kids with a sense of humor. Maybe I’ll submit that one to them too.
I’m collaborating with Mrs Hastwords – we’ve pretty much written most of it, just need to finish her off (the poem I mean!) It’s good to have many cheeky fingers in many cheeky pies then when you forget about something and move on, it’s a lovely surprise if it actually gets published! I guess the only downside is that often it’s difficult to sit down and smell the roses every once in a while.
I wondered if it wasn’t Miss Hasty. She does love to collaborate. Cant wait to read it!
Me neither……the bit that she hasn’t wrote yet. Can’t believe my typo – I meant Hastywords. Just read your haikus, classics, every one of them!
Oh by the way, the terrible post is up now. Read it at your own peril my friend.