Hey kids! We’re on the downhill slide now, aren’t we? Only two weeks left until we’re all DEAD according to the good ol’ Mayan Calendar. This isn’t a post about doom and gloom though. No no no, we don’t do that here, do we?
This is a happy joyful post! You won’t have to suffer through the Holidays ever again, my friends, but…there’s still time to send one last Christmas card to your loved ones-or the people that you are really glad will be a pile of dust on December 22nd.
In my humble opinion, Christmas cards are stupid. Especially if they have a stupid letter about what the sender’s perfect kids did all year. If I really wanted to know about your effing kids, wouldn’t I talk to you more often? Please at least enclose a check to make reading about Nancy and Billy worth my time…..
….Whoa! Did I just go off on a tangent there? Sorry. Ahem…..okay, …..The Cards! Yes, the cards. For your one last Holiday swan song, please feel free to download and share these lovely handcrafted E-cards with all the asshats you’ll only have to endure for another 14 long and brutal days.
For your far away relatives, the ones you just can’t stand to be around, but would really like to see one last time…..
For your crazy survivalist neighbor, whose overflowing garage is so full of toilet paper, bottled water and canned food that it looks like he robbed a Costco…………
For that friend who always talks shit about you behind your back. You know the one. The one who leaves out a key ingredient in a recipe you ask for. The one who flirts with your husband when you go to the ladies room. The one who swears she hasn’t had any work done. Oh yeah, you’ll be glad to see that bitch go, won’t you?
There will be a few people you will miss. All of us will miss at least some one. Here’s one for someone you like. Not someone you “like” like, just a friend. This one is also appropriate for your friendly mailman, UPS driver, paperboy, hairstylist or your child’s teacher.
For that creepy guy that keeps coming in to where you work. The guy who smells like he works at a feedlot, wears most of his lunch on his undersized shirt, and looks like he just crawled out of a dumpster. Oh! That’s your boss? Okay, here ya go:
And yes there are those that we truly love. The ones we pray we will meet on the other side. I’ve saved this one for them. It’s my final Christmas wish that you all will need lots and lots of these.