Hey kids! We’re on the downhill slide now, aren’t we? Only two weeks left until we’re all DEAD according to the good ol’ Mayan Calendar. This isn’t a post about doom and gloom though. No no no, we don’t do that here, do we?
This is a happy joyful post! You won’t have to suffer through the Holidays ever again, my friends, but…there’s still time to send one last Christmas card to your loved ones-or the people that you are really glad will be a pile of dust on December 22nd.
In my humble opinion, Christmas cards are stupid. Especially if they have a stupid letter about what the sender’s perfect kids did all year. If I really wanted to know about your effing kids, wouldn’t I talk to you more often? Please at least enclose a check to make reading about Nancy and Billy worth my time…..
….Whoa! Did I just go off on a tangent there? Sorry. Ahem…..okay, …..The Cards! Yes, the cards. For your one last Holiday swan song, please feel free to download and share these lovely handcrafted E-cards with all the asshats you’ll only have to endure for another 14 long and brutal days.
For your far away relatives, the ones you just can’t stand to be around, but would really like to see one last time…..
For your crazy survivalist neighbor, whose overflowing garage is so full of toilet paper, bottled water and canned food that it looks like he robbed a Costco…………
For that friend who always talks shit about you behind your back. You know the one. The one who leaves out a key ingredient in a recipe you ask for. The one who flirts with your husband when you go to the ladies room. The one who swears she hasn’t had any work done. Oh yeah, you’ll be glad to see that bitch go, won’t you?
There will be a few people you will miss. All of us will miss at least some one. Here’s one for someone you like. Not someone you “like” like, just a friend. This one is also appropriate for your friendly mailman, UPS driver, paperboy, hairstylist or your child’s teacher.
For that creepy guy that keeps coming in to where you work. The guy who smells like he works at a feedlot, wears most of his lunch on his undersized shirt, and looks like he just crawled out of a dumpster. Oh! That’s your boss? Okay, here ya go:
And yes there are those that we truly love. The ones we pray we will meet on the other side. I’ve saved this one for them. It’s my final Christmas wish that you all will need lots and lots of these.
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Love the stockpiling sentiment….been watching that Doomsday Preppers show lately, and that’s really all I’m thinking….yet somehow still watching in awe…
Thanks! I had a lot of fun with these. Wanted to publish all week, just couldn’t get it done. Had decided I was going to wait until tomorrow when I got them done, but like a kid, I couldn’t wait any longer. What a dork I am.
My fav is “bummer we’ll all be dead this time next year”. Funny, fun, fun!
Thanks! Please feel free to steal all you want!
Shared already!
Really? How cool is THAT? (Did I get too excited?) Are you rolling your eyes at what a dweeb I am? ,,,Aw, it’s okay, I don’t mind.
Maybe I’m the dweeb for sharing it within seconds of reading it. You iz too funny doh!
I’m honored that you chose to share. I’m the dweeb for real. Didn’t put my stamp on them before I published. I have taken care of that now.
Awesomesaucy… Is there an uphill slide that I don’t know about???
Sorry, I don’t think we can escape this one, but hey! It was really great getting to know you!
I have other worlds I can go to, but I can’t bring anybody with me…
Wow! That’s pretty freaky. Hopefully you’ll make new friends when you get there.
I already have friends there… that’s how I know I’m welcome.
Art, you are one in a million. So glad karma chose to introduce us to each other.
I’m sure you are welcome wherever you go.
There are 37 planets where I am not particularly welcome… and 2 where I have been banned… plus one exile, and a restraining order… a no fly zone… and a few locked doors.
I love them all!! Way to go to cheer up my day! I won’t ever see my wonderful husband again because we’ll all be dead in 2 weeks and he’s in the north pole and I’m here. So, again, thanks for reminding me that we will die apart!!! Geez, I need an attitude adjustment. Or I need to go shopping again. Wait, maybe not. Or yes, I will go, but no eye contact. People can just stop sensing that I have a caring bone in my body. STOP IT!! Whew, I’m OK now. Goodnight, friend!
Wow! Feel better?
Sorry I made your day worse. Not my intent. You want I should do some warm fuzzy cards? I might be able to do a few.
Excellent as usual. I hate those letters about the accomplishments…really? Like I care? I sent christmas cards once in my 55 years…in July. Just to fuck with people.
Ho ho ho!
My husband was shaking his head when he read this. I asked if he was worried about me, and he said yes, as usual. I asked if it was too goofy and stupid and maybe I shouldn’t publish. He said I had to publish, if nothing but for the Christmas card haters of the world. Mission accomplished I guess. Glad you liked!
These are hilarious! I need to get them for my son.:)
Thanks so much! I added my URL, like I should have done in the first place, duh, so feel free to send to whoever!
This was great. Bummer that we’ll all be dead this time next year – my favorite of all. A lovely greeting that you could send to anyone!.
Thanks Lynn, so glad you liked. Added my signature, so now please feel free to download and print for your friendly service professionals and acquaintances.
These are great!!
Thanks! Of course I’ve thought of more since then, so I may need to do another post.
Woohoo!!! I’m on the edge of my seat!
Um, well, I need to do real stuff today. Won’t be til this weekend some time.
Dammit. Real life sucks.
It sure do.
Brilliant!
Thank you! Watch for more in the coming days. Can’t put all my warped greeting card ideas in one post. It would take forever to load with those big shiny pics of my very own, very last ever Christmas tree.
fun read… love the gingerbread man. So sad..ha ha
I have made gingerbread cookies for my kids every year as long as I can remember. That year, when one lost an arm, I just couldn’t resist. I’m doing it today, and I’m going to attempt to make a gingerbread R2D2 for my youngest boy, for his New Year’s Day Birthday. He’s a huge Star Wars fan and will be 20 this year. If I can actually pull it off, he’s going to love it.
nice :0)
good mama
R2D2 Is in the oven. Keep your fingers crossed. If it works, I’ll have to write about it, with pics-but, after the birthday of course
.
one year we made Nintendo characters..,.
so much more fun and festive
College girl comes home on Thursday and I need to get baking myself. Her b-day is Friday.. I love our Christmas time babies
awwwwwww! Have a great time!
First one is my fav. Shared these on my page! Enjoy the end of the world.
Thanks so much! and a Joyous Apocalypse to you and yours as well!
I can’t find it! Love you in the purple tutu by the way. You’re so hawt!