Write your obituary.
API-The Cheeky Diva dies at 97
December 7th, 2062
The world mourns the passing of that lovable loony, The Cheeky Diva, who died surrounded by friends and family at her home today. For just over 50 years, The Cheeky Diva spread her “special” brand of love all over the internet and the world.
The Cheeky Diva became a household word in 2012, via her popular blog by the same name. She taught the world to love poetry with her Thursday Haiku Madness and Bad Poems About Food. She offered misguided advice for building an audience, dealing with Holidays and relationships.
Readers flocked to The Cheeky Diva blog to see what she would say next, as it was always unexpected. The Diva Of Dorks, The Maven Of Morons, and a self proclaimed Know-it-All, CheekyD, as her close friends called her, was a wealth of useless and mostly incorrect information.
Over the years, she became a much beloved pop culture icon and “The Cheeky Diva” backpacks, lunchboxes and T-Shirts can still be seen the world over, lovingly worn and carried by her adoring fans and followers. Her book “My Cheeky Life, The Art Of Being Marvelous” was a New York Times bestseller for many months, and is still wildly popular, having been reprinted in many editions and translated into 37 languages.
The Cheeky Diva had been in poor health in recent months, and was visited in her last few days by close friends who have cheated death and still manage to look fabulous. Among those were gal pals Raquel Welch, Joan Rivers and gnarly dudes Ted Theodore Logan and Bill S. Preston Esquire.
Death came quietly for TCD, but she didn’t go with it quietly. She was kicking, screaming, and spewing obscenities until she gasped her last breath. Her last words were reported to be: “Just wait ’til I get to Heaven, I’ll show that David Byrne that things can and DO happen there.”
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well done, bravo–done Cheeky Diva style
Awww, thanks! just gotta be me I guess, even in death.
Sniff, sniff, I’ll miss you! but how’s about leaving me a few special things in your will, like any diamonds, animal print, future royalties on all your merchandise…I’ll try to bravely carry on without you!
Tell you what, you can have all the jewelry that my ex-husband gave me and the contents of my sewing/craft room. I just don’t have the heart to sell it. Sound good?
It looks like the Mayan calendar was a bunch of shit then.
Well, yeah, how else do you think I would be able to pull off my post for December 22nd with my Oops! It didn’t happen E-cards?
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I may need to hire you to write mine!
Sure thing. My rates are very reasonable.
I will stick it in my will.
Great work! I loved every line!
Thank you! Writing about how wonderful I am is pretty damn easy.
My favorite part is the David Byrne shout out. I often refer to his Crosseyed and Painless, …”still waiting”; which most of the time, I am.
Think we can all identify with a lot of the wise words of The Talking Heads. Really deep shit if you want to listen well. Thanks for stopping by.
YES! You said “She was kicking, screaming, and spewing obscenities until she gasped her last breath. ” and I LIKED IT!
I will not go quietly into that …whatever the rest of that quote is. Thanks! I do see myself fighting Death until there is no fight left in me. Which is precisely why I avoid salmon mousse at all costs. Hope that means something to you.
I’m fighting it as well, by living as powerfully as I can!
Salmon mouse, avoiding at all costs…..well, for one thing I would definitely be avoiding it as well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ummmm… doing your own obituary is just tacky… and a little creepy. A while ago Ed Hotspur had all of us do obituaries for him… really rude, nasty ones… (I ripped him a new A@#hole)… And that was a fun day. Then you get to see what we think about you while you are still here to enjoy it.
Oh that sounds like fun! How did I miss that? Or was that before my time? I loved this challenge. I was all over it. Couldn’t wait to do it. But you know me. Blogwhore.
Ask Ed where that post is and read mine. You will bust a gasket… just sayin’…
I will if I can’t find it. I’m reading some of his old stuff right now.
Problem solved.
I’m all, like, sad and whatever, but does anyone know if I got anything in the will? Not that I care, but I really need to know.
You know, I could tell you what I left you in my will, but you have given me an idea for an additional post~what of my crap would I give to all of my favorite bloggers? I can see it taking shape already. Thank you !
Post schmost. What do I get? Oh, please fancy-toaster-with-one-side-still-working…
How about all my old family photos? We’re all dead by now, and I know you would make great use of them. I have a copier box full.
Done.
sweet! Take good care of them pal.
They’re going on ebay.
WTF? Okay fine. I’ll give them to someone else who will treasure them and add snarky captions.
Okay, okay. I’ll treasure them and add snarky captions. Jeez.
Hey you, this is my pathetic excuse for a legacy we’re talking about here. Even a loser like me deserves a trace of posthumous respect, ….don’t I?
You’re right. A trace of respect is the least I can do. And, realistically, the most I will do.
Hilarious! I think I need a Cheeky Diva lunch box for sure.
Just wait my friend! I’ve got an artist working on a new image for me. Too many people using this tired old clip art lady with her mystery casserole. Once I have a new look, I just might slap it on everything! Squee!
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