As Seen On TV Stocking Stuffers! ~Finally

Sorry it took so long to get this done, campers.  I know you all have empty, sad looking stockings waiting to be stuffed with consumer goods of glee, so here is my must have list of sockstuffin crap no family should be without.

For the brittle  old ladies on your list, like me, who seem to suffer a broken bone just by turning their head:
neck magic

For your fat lard cousin, who can’t seem to lose weight, no matter how much he complains about it:

sauna pants

For the laziest cook you know.  Maybe it’s even you?

robo stir

For all those friends who seem to end up in social situations where food and drink is served, with no table.  Put one in your purse when crashing wedding receptions.

plate buddy

Okay, this is just retarded, but hey, I’m sure there’s someone on your Christmas list who could make use of this handy-dandy item, because who doesn’t want to put their weenie in a toaster?

hot dog toaster

Give this to anyone who does NOT live with you.  God forbid you should open your dishwasher and find someone’s greasy sweaty hat in there.

hat rack

Here’s one for your friends who don’t think they look quite cool enough with a Blue-tool device. This should definitely get the job done.


Let’s make food prep even more tedious for mom!  They always say never buy a woman something that plugs in.  But a food processor that you have to crank? By hand even?  This shit is just cruel.

food processor

I don’t quite understand how this works, but I’m sure it’s real “sciency” and stuff.  Guaranteed not to offend your recipient, no matter how they may interpret its intended use.

fat magnet

Um, yeah. You can make this one yourself!  No need to buy!  Great idea for that one lone sock. It will give it a sense of purpose.  It’s been so aimless since the dryer ate it’s mate.

drink sock

Great for the toddlers, old folks, and toothless friends and relatives on your list.  Because I’m sure they eat so many hot dogs, they need this valuable tool to make serving and consuming them more fun!

dog dicer

What’s better for sore achy feet than walking around on shoddily constructed slippers full of hot steamy rice?  Not a damn thing I can think of!  Please send a pair of these bad boys to me! Size small.

hot booties

Oh no, I’m not telling Aunt Betty we all would like to be less acquainted with her cleavage! You do it!


33 thoughts on “As Seen On TV Stocking Stuffers! ~Finally

  1. Hey! We have 1 of those ball cap washer forms. Works great—holds the cap, although for the greasiest & sweatiest of heads, sometimes they don’t come as clean as I’d like. But I can vouch that it does work.


  2. I’m a fat lard, but I don’t complain about it. Also, I’d totally use that hat washer thing, but i’d use it in the washer instead of a dish washer. Mostly because I don’t have a dish washer.

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