Dear Cheeky Diva~ Holiday advice for the helpless

Let's get started, shall we?

Let’s get started, shall we?

Good Afternoon, readers!  So sorry this is so late!  I’ve been very busy baking cookies to give to all of my family and friends, so I will try to answer just a couple of questions today, but will try to answer more if you add them in the comment section.

Remember our friend from last week  Desperate In Ohio, who had a very limited budget?  The nice lady who was shopping within her own home for Christmas gifts?  We already handled how to do the “interior shopping” for the men on her list, so today let’s help her out with the ladies on her gift list.

Women are far more observant than men, and also much less forgiving.  If you try to give them something out of your home, they will be able to spot it before they even unwrap the gift. If you do just happen to regift a present from someone else, this is what might happen:

Oh, Hortence! Can you believe Betty tried to give you the sweater I gave her last year?  Did she really think she could get away with that?  Let's see if she dares to show her face at the family reunion.

Oh, Hortence! Can you believe Betty tried to give you the sweater I gave her last year? Did she really think she could get away with that? Let’s see if she dares to show her face at the family reunion.

This could be a big problem.  Here are two ways you can handle this.  Depending on the taste and personality of your recipient, you decide which will work best.

 #1- You can give a treasured antique, something that you have had laying around collecting dust forever.  Something you never use.  A nice china teapot is a good example.  The urn containing Uncle Melvin’s ashes is not a good example.  Anyway, you can just say that your budget was limited, and you knew that Cousin-So-And-So had been admiring Aunt Hazel’s whatchamacallit in your china hutch for as long as you can remember.  Explain your generous gift with as much drama and pathos as you can manage.  A puppy dog face and one tear–just one, will seal the deal.  This will accomplish two things-You will be the darling of the family, for not hogging all the heirlooms. (Aren’t you thoughtful!) And because you chose to give something of your own, instead of spending money you don’t have, you can expect to get cash gifts for your birthday and Christmas for at least the next couple of years.

Or~

#2 You can “re-purpose” or “embellish” some other useless piece of crap taking up space in your home.  Even something as simple as an empty soup can with rhinestones hot glued all over it will be good enough for some, especially if they are over the age of 100.  For your more discriminating friends and family, perhaps if you could eek out just enough to buy a nice plain scarf or cap, you could add one of your lovely vintage brooches to it to give it some flair and a touch of personalization.

Hope this helps, and I sure hope you have a wonderful Holiday season.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Cheeky Diva,

I just don’t know what to do about Uncle Henry.  He’s obnoxious, loud and over bearing. He ruins every holiday with his crass jokes, talking with his mouth full, scaring the little kids with his loud boisterous laughter, yellow teeth and dragon breath.  He’s always eating everything in sight, and I can’t keep him out of the kitchen long enough to prepare our Christmas dinner.  One year, while we were all at the window, marveling at the beautiful Christmas snow that was falling, Uncle Henry snuck into the kitchen and ate the entire platter of cookies I had made for dessert.  What can I do?  Please save my Christmas!

Hopeless Uncle Henry Victim

Oh this is an easy one!  Cheeky D has got your back.  When Uncle Henry arrives this year, be as sweet as you can to him.  Offer him a drink to loosen him up, and then ask if he would care to sit in the best chair in the living room, so he can see all the action, and have the best view of the television.  Offer him a nice plate of cookies, because you know he can’t wait for your cooking.  He will be thrilled to have the special treatment.  The good news is, you have already set the trap.  On Uncle Henry’s plate of cookies, make sure you have one big, beautiful sugar cookie with a generous and delicious dollop of your homemade frosting.  By home made, I mean that you’ve added a secret ingredient.  Over the counter sleeping pills.  You can easily crush these and blend them in to your frosting.  If he’s a big man, you’ll want to use at least two.

English: Plateful of Christmas Cookies

English: Plateful of Christmas Cookies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Make sure that you only use this “special” frosting for Uncle Henry’s cookie.  God forbid one of the kids should get ahold of this.  Anywho–Uncle Henry will be passed out for hours, while you and your family enjoy a peaceful and joyous holiday.  If he snores, just put a wastebasket over his head, so as to muffle the sound but not smother him.

 

Hope this is of some help to you readers, once again, please feel free to ask your questions below.  Happy Holidays!

TCD

Enhanced by Zemanta
About these ads

22 thoughts on “Dear Cheeky Diva~ Holiday advice for the helpless

  1. Wastebasket over Uncle Henry’s head – perfect! :-) And that was some very good advice you gave to Desperate in Ohio. I once gave two very nice, very tall, thin, glass vases (which I found in my house) to a relative. The doggone things were regifted back to me the next year. I threw ‘em in the trash. Bah humbug.

    • I was just thinking about you! I was hoping you’d drop by. How goes the editing? How’s your dear mom? I’ve been doing cookies all weekend, and Tim Robbins, bless his heart is going to decorate sugar and gingerbread cookies for me, because I don’t like that part. Hope you’re having a good weekend!

      • My mom called me with her corrections, and I picked my sister’s up a couple of hours ago. I’m the only one holding me up now. :-) I’ll have this thing published Monday or Tuesday, and then I can get back to some normalcy. Mom is feeling better, thank you. Tim Robbins is a dear. Be sure to take pictures of his handiwork so we can see his artful decorations. ;-)

    • Ha ha! I use that Hortence picture when ever I can. I just love it. It lends itself to a multitude of captions. Hey, I still owe you an email, don’t I? Oops. Now that I have your email address in my comments, I’ll send you that manicure info I promised you the other day. Your brain tweets today are awesome my friend! I haven’t done much jumping in because there’s so many mentions, not enough letters for me to work with, but you are really rockin it! :-)

Well.....let's hear it!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s