Maximum Density Reached~And Exceeded

MOOOOO!!!!!

Yeah, you heard it here.  I’m a cow.  I’m a toad.  Oink, oink and more oink. If I had a mustache, I’d look like President Taft and you could find me shopping for a piano case to be buried in, or lounging in my giant custom made bath tub.

English: (l. to r.) Unknown, Archibald Butt, R...

That’s me, being aided by Santa Claus and the world’s oldest boy scout. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

No, I’m not looking for sympathy or support friends.  I just have decided that it’s time to face the music before I start to look like Orson Welles..again.

English: Screenshot of Orson Welles in The Lad...

English: Screenshot of Orson Welles in The Lady from Shanghai trailer. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not THAT Orson Welles……..

Screenshot of Orson Welles from the trailer fo...

Screenshot of Orson Welles from the trailer for the film Touch of Evil (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

THAT Orson Welles.
 The one that needed doorways widened, the one that killed fields of flowers because he blocked out the sun with his girth.  Yeah, that guy.
It creeps up on you slowly, doesn’t it?  You think your pants are a little tighter.  Maybe somebody just shrunk them in the wash.  Maybe you’re just retaining water.  Or maybe, just maybe you’re fooling yourself.
 But you aren’t fooling anybody else.
That day you catch a glimpse of yourself from behind in the mirror and scream, because you just can’t believe YOUR ASS GOT SO DAMN BIG!!!
Why didn't anybody tell me my ass was getting so big?

Why didn’t anybody tell me my ass was getting so big?

As I sat on my butt on Sunday, blogging in between shoving trays of cookie dough in the oven, I was also shoving cookies into my mouth without even thinking about it.  Why do I do that?  Because they taste sooooo gooood! That’s why!

I’ve been on this whole weight control roller coaster most of my life. Up and down, up and down.  I’ve probably gained and lost around 300 pounds in my lifetime.

I wrote a post about this a while back, when I found the miracle weight loss hot pants.  Did I buy them?  Uh uh.  I know that no matter how much they promise that a drink, a pill, or a powder you shake on your food is the magic bullet, we have to face the fact that behavior modification is the only true answer.

BUT I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING THAT’S NOT NAILED DOWN AND STILL FIT INTO ALL MY PRETTY CLOTHES!!!!!

Sorry, inner self, you know as well as I do that less food in and more sweat out is the key.

WAAAAAAAAA-HAAAAA-HAAAAAA!!!!!

For me, after years of starving, exercising, shakes, pills, diets, hiding food and hating myself, I was able to finally tame the beast by going to Weight Watchers meetings.- Well, not just attending.  You kind of have to pay attention and follow the plan.  That really helps quite a bit.

This is my sweet-tooth.  See how powerless I am against it?

This is my sweet-tooth.
See how powerless I was against it?

With the Weight Watchers plan, I was able to lose the 55 pounds that had been hiding my cute little figure for so many years.  When I saw it for the first time, I was so thrilled, I wanted to see it every time I walked by a mirror  I had no idea there was actually a woman shaped woman under all those rolls of blubber!  Everyone else in my world was pretty surprised too.

Land sakes Hortence!  Have you seen Cheeky lately?  She hardly looks like Moby Dick at all anymore.  We hate her, now, right?

Land sakes Hortence! Have you seen Cheeky lately? She hardly looks like Moby Dick at all anymore. We hate her, now, right?

I kept it all off for quite a few years, and just within the last 18 months or so, it has slowly been creeping back…. GAWDAMMIT!!!   Mr Cheeky and I do like to have a good meal, here’s a pic someone snapped of us on our last date night:

Baby? Are you gonna eat that?

Baby? Are you gonna eat that?

I’ve gotten rather lazy, and have deluded myself in more than one area:

1-I’m not gaining weight.

2-well maybe a little, no one will notice.

3-I can put a stop to this anytime I want to.

Here’s the reality:

1-you ARE gaining weight

2-It’s a lot, don’t be stupid, you’re spilling out of everything-gross!  You think no one can see that?

3-Okay then, if you can stop it anytime you want, do it already, you big fat lard.

I have decided to put my foot down, right on the windpipe of that old sweet tooth once again.  Today I actually stepped on the scale for the first time in months, just to see how much damage I have actually done.

I weigh HOW much?  STFU!!!

I weigh HOW much? STFU!!!

Yeah,  it’s that much.  GULP.  I know it’s hard or stupid even to try losing weight around the holidays, when you have to contend with stuff like this:

christmas cookies

christmas cookies (Photo credit: delayedneutron)

But I’m going to try.  I want to fit into a special something for my birthday in February, and I’m going to do it.  Since I don’t go to Weight Watchers meetings anymore, and since I used to weigh in there every Tuesday, I’m going to do a post each Tuesday to keep you updated on my progress.

I’m sure you don’t care, but it will keep me accountable, make the effort public, and hopefully motivate me to stay…well, motivated for lack of a better word.

No, I’m not going to post my starting weight.  I’m much too vain for that.  You think I’m crazy?  I will just keep you posted as to progress, and let you know if and when I reach my goal.

Wish me luck, my awesome far away blog type pals I’ve never met, and please feel free to hop on the bus to fat camp with me if you would like to post your own weight successes and failures, or use the comment section to keep track of your own progress if you are already on a weight loss journey of your own.

Day One: Weight lost: 0.0 -Jeez, I hope next weeks numbers look better.

 

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61 thoughts on “Maximum Density Reached~And Exceeded

  1. Tis the season.
    I haven’t gained weight, but I have gotten out of shape since November. How much? Enough to throw my back out while doing nothing but drying my dog’s feet. I’m on day two of being a very crooked person living on hot packs and pain pills.

  2. I hear you. I mean I REALLY hear you!
    Being in my forties, I’ve entered a new phase of my existence, one that involves a slowed metabolism and a love of Burger King…. See the problem here?
    Hang in there, you’re not suffering alone, by any means!

    • Thanks! Let’s tame this beast together! I have really, truly beat the demon of compulsive, secretive and binge eating. Those days were pretty horrible and shocking. But, you can’t quit food cold turkey, and I do love to cook and eat wonderful meals and desserts. I just don’t hide them in the glove box or in my pillow case anymore. The first step for me was to have all my food in plain sight. I did all of my eating in front of someone else. That keeps you much more accountable and aware of what you actually put in your mouth. Then I couldn’t deny eating it. That was a huge step for me in beating the mental game of weight control.

  3. After a year of writing and sending out for pizzas or Chinese – plus grazing on M&M’s while I write – well … let’s just say the lifestyle has taken its toll. I just had a Healthy Choice Top Chef Cafe Steamers Honey Glazed Turkey & Sweet Potatoes for lunch. 250 calories and it was yummy. Yesterday for lunch I had a Lean Cuisine Chicken Enchilada Suiza, and it was mildly disgusting. Do you eat any of this frozen crap?

    • Oh, I have. Tim Robbins loves quite a few of the Healthy Choice dinners. I love the Weight Watchers frozen crap. It’s pretty good. My favorites are the Salisbury Steak with Mac and cheese, the 4 Cheese Ziti, and the breakfast sandwiches. Their desserts are also excellent. I spent many years weighing and measuring my food, counting points and replacing favorite foods with acceptable replacements. It finally became second nature. I could walk into a store and buy a certain size without even having to try it on. I just got so enamored with my new life, I got lazy and also rediscovered a love of food–too much food. I’m so glad you dropped by, because while you and I were having our email chat on Sunday was one of the times while I was shoving cookies in my face. Haven’t had a one since Sunday though, yay for me!

      • I was going to ask you, while I was knocking around in the dark here at your blog last night, how many cookies you’ve eaten this season. When I am around cookies – especially Christmas cookies – I have no self control whatsoever. I could eat dozens all by myself over the course of a couple of weeks. Dozens. … I’ll play. Every Tuesday, I’ll tell you how it’s going. ;-)

      • Cool! That will be awesome! As far as the cookies go, it’s always my gift for everyone, or what I bring to holiday get togethers. I still have a fair amount to make, and will distribute later in the week. I just put them all in the deep freeze in the laundry room so I won’t even see them until I’m ready to pack them up and hopefully get rid of most or all of them.

  4. I need to start watching what I eat, too, but I figured I’d wait until after the holidays as there’s no way I’d be able to do it with all the yummy food that’s going to be shoved in my face the next two weeks.

    • It’s very difficult. But, I’m hiding everything I’m making and then will be giving it away, fixing a relatively normal dinner for Christmas, and not going to any parties or anyone else’s home. As long as I have my own “treats” to tame the beast until all the holiday goodies are gone, I should be okay.

      • Good luck. I’m not even going to try until the 2nd of January. It’s a fight I’m just not prepared to wage.

      • Anyhow, might I recommend using myfitnesspal.com? I was using it for awhile. It’s a great tool to keep track of calories, plus there’s a whole community of users to help keep you motivated and offer advice and suggestions. I’ll be hopping back in there at the beginning of the year.

      • Thank you. I use Fat Secret. I love it. You get the weight and exercise tracker, but you also get a food diary where you can keep track of everything you eat. You can even plug in recipes and it will give you nutritional info on them according to servings. I think you can make a grocery list too, It also works as an app for your phone and it updates immediately from one device to another. I will check fitness pal too though!

  5. GOOD LUCK!!! You can do it!!! My body just wants to go into hibernation and get nice and plump this winter. I’ve been doing the Insanity workout and trying to fight it….but those two beers and that cookie I eat after each workout probably aren’t helping. Blegh.

    ‘Tis the season to be fatties, fa-la-la-la-la,f-m-l.

  6. I’ve been trying to win a minor weight loss battle for a couple of months now, so I know what you’re feeling. In three months, think of how great it’ll be to tell Hortence to STFU. :)

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