(This may be the first of many posts today, as the mood hits me, so don’t run off like your hair is on fire or something, because it isn’t, yet, is it? )
Well, here we are, citizens of Earth. Our last day. Ever. I’m anticipating that the world will go out with a bang instead of a whimper. At least I hope it does. How lame of mankind to roll over and die without a fight. Or at least without partying like it’s 1999. Er…oh, you know what I mean.
It’s kind of stupid, because it really doesn’t matter, but I did come in to work today. Just in case there IS a tomorrow. Because if there is, the bills still have to be paid. But there is a lot of stuff I would rather be doing.
I could run through the streets naked, screaming at the top of my lungs, and spraying everyone I see with Silly String. Oh, how much fun THAT would be! (For me, not for them-didn’t I just do a post on how fat I am? EEEEGAWDS!) The temperature here today is holding at a balmy 9 degrees fahrenheit, so this is really not an ideal way to spend my last Friday no matter how you slice it.
Maybe I should indulge my inner stooge and poke people in the eyes, smack someone with a plank, or maybe even throw a rock through that large piece of glass those two guys across the street are carrying. Buuuahaaahaaaahaaaa!
Today would be a great day to be really evil, though wouldn’t it? To get revenge on all those who’ve done you wrong? Burn down their house, blow up their car, go to Walmart and yell that you have a host of STD’s, and you got them all from this person who stabbed you in the back? That would be sa-weet!!! But, we won’t do that, will we. Just because the world is ending, some of us still have an after life to think of–and I say “some of us”- because everyone has their own beliefs. I don’t think a few harmless pranks will bar the gates of your post Earth dream home-so maybe a few paint balls or eggs could be thrown in lieu of that Molotov cocktail. No one gets hurt, ho harm no foul. Just don’t get caught.
Or, you could be a Harvey Milquetoast (I love that word) and spend today doing warm,fuzzy, adorable and heartwarming last day on Earth type stuff. (Barf).
….The hills are alive with the sound of music, so I plan to frolic in the meadow with my ridiculously improbable large family of incredibly talented soon to be step-children; and we will break into song as we do the dance of doom in our matching outfits we made of the drapes, don’t the boys look smashing?The end of the world makes me want to ramble in run on sentences–Screw you, I can do whatever I want, I’m Julie Andrews…..