This weekend, SPIKE TV is showing all of the STAR WARS movies. Yay! I might be the only one in the world who doesn’t already own them on DVD, so I was happy to sit down and watch them again. Probably for the first time ever without a house full of boys who had to chatter all the way through them, stopping the action for a little light saber battle of their own somewhere in the middle. Of course we had to start with Episode I, The Phantom Menace.
Here we go, off on a wild tangent, friends. I have a lot of issues with the second set of Star Wars movies, but today, my sense of reason compels me to focus on just one. This post is less about the movie and more about the ridiculous supblot surrounding the romance between Anikin Skywalker and Padme Amidala.
(Please forgive the photos, they are mostly screen shots from my tv. But, we had turned on the closed captioning, so I hope you enjoy the subtitles that will help tell this story.)
Here we see Queen Amidala for the first time. Yeah, she looks stupid. Like a far out Geisha with just the first of many impossible hairstyles. What we have to remember here is that she wasn’t born to be queen, she was elected queen. You know what that means, don’t you? That she’s smart, capable, and rational. A leader, a diplomat and politician. In other words, intelligent and respected.
She’s also a shape shifter apparently. Mostly, Padme Amidala is played by Natalie Portman, but sometimes, she’s Keira Knightley.
And sometimes she’s Ziyi Zhang….Oh nevermind. So glad I watched this movie while I was sober. I’m so confused.
Now we have one of our first glimpses of Padme’s future love interest, Anikin Skywalker. Adorably played by the irrepressible Ricky Schroeder. You can see already that he’s defensive, and emotional from the dialogue. He asks Padme if she’s an angel. Isn’t that cute? When a sand storm blows up, Ani takes Padme, Qui Gon and R2 home for shelter.
How weird he took this girl(cougar) home to meet Mom for the first time when he was 8 and she was something like 30.
Already a ladies man, Anikin tries to wow Padme with his own take on “Wanna come back to my place and see my etchings?” when he introduces her to the guts of C3P0.
The stage is set for a creepy romance when Anikin is freed by Qui Gon and taken away from his mother to be whisked away for Jedi training. Padme may have given him a little too much to dream about when she tells him her caring for him will remain.
Cue the mommy issues. A little boy lost, needing a mother figure. Why isn’t Freud in this movie somewhere to stop this ridiculous train wreck before its starts?
This is pretty much where the relationship of Anikin and Padme leaves off in Episode I. Before I continue, let me state for the record that it’s not the age difference that bothers me for the most part. I think love is wonderful, no matter how it happens. My beloved sister in law and brother in law have an eleven year age difference, but they didn’t meet when he was 8 years old! My problem with the romance is that Padme is a level-headed reasonable person, and Anikin grows up to be a whiny emo asshole!
Tune in later for the continuing saga of the shape shifting queen and her improbable story in….
STAR WARS ~ Episode II The Leering Lothario