As we continue with the implausible romance of Padme Amidala and Anikin Skywalker, we are at least comforted by the fact that they are now both adults….Sort of.
The man-boy Anikin is now played by Hayden Christensen, who looks like he is still much younger than Natalie Portman-who doesn’t appear to have aged at all. The two actors are the same age in real life, according to IMDB.
He seems pretty stoked to see his dream girl of childhood, and the story has advanced ten years since we last saw them.
Padme, no longer queen, is now a senator of The Republic, and still looks rather overdressed and super important. She is surprised to see Anikin all (sort of) grown up.
Through a series of wacky mis-adventures, plot holes and intrigue, we discover that even though Padme is one of the most important people in the galaxy who requires constant protection from evil-doers, the Jedi assign none other than the inept loose cannon Anikin Skywalker to take care of her. He whines about how he’s been mistreated. Waaa-haaa-haaa!
Oh boy. Could I have been assigned a more pathetic loser for a body guard? Really? I’m Padme Amidala! Oh-my F and G!
Um, yeah. We can see the romance building here. It’s written all over her face that this guy doesn’t have any idea what he’s doing. He has to reiterate the fact that he has passed puberty and and had ten years of Jedi training. Yep, he’s the right man for the job. Her first attempt to shut him down is unsuccessful:
He is oblivious to the fact that this romance he wants is a bad idea. A really bad idea. Gotta give the guy a little credit for trying. She’s clearly out of his league. She sees that letting him down easy just isn’t working. She tries a more direct approach:
Buddy! She doesn’t want any! Give it up already! Jedi are gluttons for punishment, apparently. He is nonplussed by her elaborately dressed cold shoulder.
Puppy dog eyes, cute Padwan pigtails, come on lady, work with me here! I’m using all my best moves!
There you have it. Burn! Shut down! Right? He certainly must have gotten the message by now. Wait, look at that face! What a creeper!
Ewwwww and more ewww! That’s not love, that’s just creepy. It looks like hope is strong with this one. Barf.
Please return later for the next mind bending series of unlikely events in this ill fated love story.