Sorry If You Took A Wrong Turn On The Internets

I started this blog on July 19th, 2012.

I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.  I’ve learned a lot since then, and I continue to be amazed each day at the world of blogging.  My page views, followers and comments have grown steadily, and I feel a real sense of community here.  That being said, I have to say that of everything that’s happened here at The Cheeky Diva, I’m shocked at the wild popularity of one stupid little post.  The one that continues to appear as my “Top Post” .  The one that’s nothing but pictures of my little doggie, and a day in her life, with dozens of erroneous search terms shamelessly thrown in.

Of course I wrote the post as a joke, and when it appeared it grabbed very little attention.  I wrote it in November.  Somehow in just the last couple of weeks, the search bots have attached themselves to that little unassuming post and  it has sent my daily page views through the roof.  (At least in my terms).

It's so easy, Hortence, just put the word NAKED in your title and PORN in your post and the hits just keep on comin!

It’s so easy, Hortence, just put the word NAKED in your title and PORN in your post and the hits just keep on comin!

At first I thought it was funny to get 20 or 30 hits a day on that post.  But then it was 50, then 100.  Now that little post gets between 200 and 300 hits a day.  I don’t know about you, but I think that’s pretty unbelievable.  In looking at the stats overall, as of this writing, that post has been viewed a whopping 4,387 times.

I know!  It’s absolutely shocking!  Since it’s on my sidebar as my top post, quite a few readers do look at it each day, and I thank you, but according to my search terms, it’s Google hits for various forms of “porn” that are drawing readers here, and frankly, some of them are pretty gross, and were not included in this post at all.

So, to find out exactly how this is happening, I decided I would search Google using some of these terms to see if my blog popped up.  I started with the one that’s usually the top term of the day.  “Free Pron”-yes, misspelled even.

I typed that in the search bar and just like you’d expect, it returned pages of results.  Was I on the first page? No.  Or the second. I scrolled through 10 pages of gross results that made me totally uncomfortable before I finally gave up.

I used to feel bad that people looking for these terms found me by mistake.  Like I was the perpetrator of a “bait and switch” game.  I never in my wildest dreams thought something like this would happen.  But now I feel bad that I’m spending all of this time writing,  that my real readership is  all but eclipsed by what is probably a quick click and leave by someone looking for something they haven’t found and never will find here.

While the post in question does get a fair amount of views from real readers, as it appears in the side bar,  the search term hits outweigh the others by around 3 to 1.  I always appreciate your reading and commenting, and I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if many of you wonder why on Earth that is my top post after looking at it, because it’s honestly really stupid.  Definitely not some of my better work.  Now you know why.

So to those of you who read regularly, I thank you, and I hope you get a little chuckle out of this.  To new readers, welcome, and please continue to stop by and chat whenever you would like.  To both groups, I am eternally grateful.

And finally, to those of you who found your way here in search of  “porn” in its infinite forms, my apologies, but really, how many pages of results did you have to scroll through to get here.  That seems like an awful lot of work, when what you wanted was probably on the first page.

Fellow bloggers, please tell me about your experience with search terms and their long-lasting and surprising results.

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70 thoughts on “Sorry If You Took A Wrong Turn On The Internets

  1. I still get hits from search terms like “naked pregnant chicks” because I blogged about my pregnancy and did one post about silly maternity photo shoots. It’s weird. and really doesn’t make much sense to me.

  2. I hate you, not really, but yeah, I do. I started in June and you are way more advanced in readers than I am. I don’t love you any more. (yes I do). I’m super happy I stumbled upon you in the dark without my glasses on as I had to get up in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom but I found you instead. X0 and keep writing!

  3. It amazes me too what people google for and end up at my stuff. My top post is actually on my food blog! It’s been looked at over 5000 times since I posted!! can you believe it?? Like you it surprises me. It’s a post about how a little old lady ran me out of a grocery store. It’s a true story, but 5000 hits on a old lady??? Didn’t know old ladies were that popular. haha! It also shows up as my most popular post. On a food blog. I mean, yeah ok, it’s setting is a grocery store, but still. ;-)

    • That is incredible. That’s a lot of hits for sure! I’ve gotten weird hits in the past, like “silicone caulk for the face” which I did actually write about. I thought it was pretty funny that people would actually search that one.

    • Well, really the way I thought I was getting more people to visit was writing on different topics, posting on Pinterest, writing elsewhere, making use of Twitter, guest blogging, weekly features and a facebook page. All that hard work when really all I had to do was put in a few search terms. Who’da thunk it?

  4. Asians, hot asians and Chun Li all drive traffic to my one post where I review the movie The Legend of Chun Li. It’s my top post. I know another blogger, Rob Simple, has the same issue where he tagged a post Chun Li and now it’s his biggest post. All because some little horny teenage boys can’t get enough of a video game woman.

  5. My three big pervy search terms are pregnancy porn, Ingrid Bergman naked pictures, and love in an airplane… My favorite search terms are dinosaur lunchmeat and how to torture your husband. All far more creatively spelled though. Sometimes I get frustrated at not having more REAL readers both on twitter and on wordpress, but the reality is that’s the game of social media. Lots of people follow you solely in the hopes of being followed back.

    • I’ve found that to be very true on Twitter, some days I get notified of a new follower by the time I see it, they’ve already unfollowed me. I’ve only had a few WP unfollows, and that always makes me a little sad. I can’t possibly read every post of every blog I follow, and some after reviewing I’ve decided they aren’t my cup of tea, but I don’t think I’ve ever unfollowed anyone.

  6. I knew I was doing something wrong… Now I gotta figure a way to get some pron in my posts. Is that at all like starch in my shirt? Maybe a post about stiffness? Hmmm. So many choices.

    • there ya go. Or lead in a pencil maybe? One of my pals just wrote a post about being married to a porn star. I actually sent him pics of the list of search terms I’m getting, I told him to be patient, that it took three months for the porn-splosion to happen. :-)

  7. I am stunned at the sorts of search terms people enter. You’d be amazed at the types of pervy things people want to do with Weebles and/or pantyhose. I often wonder what their reaction is when they click on my blog, because I know it can’t possibly what they were looking for.

    • Wow! That’s more than a little disturbing. I”m getting hits now for “go and see if dad is naked porn”-ewww! And a lot of hits for dog porn. I know I brought it on myself, but jeez! I did actually have 3, yes 3 search hits for “cheeky diva blog”. That helps a little. :-)

      • That must be it. I have to admit that I am proud of the fact that I did a post long ago and threw in the words ‘big boobs’ right in the title, and I do the free porn tag now and then just for fun, and during my recent WordPress revolution I tagged some posts with ‘hot beaver’ but my hits don’t go up when I do that.
        That is because my followers are mature, sensible non-freaks. Or else I am lousy at attracting hits to my blog with cheap stunts, because you know I would if I knew how.
        Oh, I get a lot of search terms for weird stuff… that ‘blowing your own horn’ one still cracks me up, but I get just as many for weird stuff that isn’t possibly porn-related. Albert Einsien’s mustache comes up regularly… ha, that’s funny… and Conan gets a lot of hits. I am going to assume that the hits for ‘Dick’ are because of my funny Cheney Photoshop pictures. And unicorns pooping rainbows never lets me down.

      • I’ve noticed porn and boob tags in your posts a lot lately, and was wondering if it had done anything. Like I said, it took months for this to happen. In fact it was last Saturday when the hits jumped to over 200 a day, almost two months exactly after I wrote the post, so be patient my friend, boobs and porn will pay off soon enough.

  8. That’s hilarious, especially since porn is spelled wrong. My search items are pretty tame, every now and then I get some graphic ones, and I have no idea how my blog is connected to that. Something spam related?

  9. Diva, your post has reinforced what I already know about the power of the internet. The term ‘leaving footprints’ comes to mind. I had a similar, but not nearly as irritating an experience as yours when I wrote about metal teapots and how annoying it is that they drip everywhere except into the cup when I pour. In my case I wouldn’t have minded if they had stayed, but (like your unwelcome visitors in a way) they were looking for images not text.
    Are you planning to do something about that post?

    • Nah, it’s not really porn, and it’s not doing me any harm really, Maybe in the future, but for now, I kind of want to see how this plays out. Maybe the hits will just fall off. My son told me that things like this, with erroneous tags are eventually picked up by the search sites and removed from them, but it hasn’t happened yet, so we’ll just let it go a little longer. No one has made any comments, like “Hey! Where’s my free pron, bitch!” or anything, so let them build my stats for now I guess. :-)

  10. I was actually searching for “prawn” but thought it was spelled “pron.” I found no prawns, but stuck around for the halibut.

    (sorry, couldn’t resist)

  11. I checked out your “porn” post and while I’m sure you’re right that many were looking for something else, the post is an absolute riot! So don’t sell yourself short! I bet many stayed to follow you for the sheer entertainment of it. Who knows, maybe you are rehabilitating a few perverts!

    • Ha! Thanks! I’m glad you liked it. It is quite shameless and silly. I have some blogger friends who’ve been at this a lot longer than I have who have done posts like this before, and I had read them and laughed my butt off! http://www.edwardhotspur.wordpress.com

      Is a great blog and he does a post that’s built around search terms on occasion. He writes some of the wackiest stuff (and some serious heartfelt stuff too) and I always enjoy reading him. If you don’t already read him, you should give him a look. Very entertaining. :-)

  12. My number one search term leading to my blog for 2012 was crack whore. You can’t make this stuff up. Granted, I do review 50 Shades. You really want to bring in the pervs, that’s what you do.

    • Did you see my other reply? I’m getting them without the benefit of “crack whore”, but since it’s in my comment section now, I’m sure it will get a few hits. A blog pal Maddie Cochere, at Breezy Books, is getting hits all the time for “Tim Robbins” who’s never been mentioned except for in the comments. That’s what she calls my husband, because I mentioned that people think he looks like him. Time will tell, and thanks for sharing “crack whore” with me!
      :-)

  13. I realized in reading your post above that I’m not sure how to find out if people are searching my blog by utilizing my tags, etc. I’m off to browse my stats page … perhaps the answer lies therein …

    • Don’t browse too much. Since Google has changed it’s image search, I’m getting almost no hits these days. It’s been quite bleak around here. It’s unfortunate that this drop off in hits came at the same time as my inspiration to write it left me. I can hear the crickets chirping around here for the most part now. Oh well, the inspiration (and hopefully the readers) will return. I’m just in a rut. Some days, a mighty deep one! ;-)

      • It happens. And the more it bothers you the longer it lasts. I don’t know why Google, Facebook, et al, insist on fixing things that aren’t broken. Frustrating to the max. Don’t despair, dear heart, you have much to offer and there will once again be takers SOON. Hugs …

      • Aw thanks so much! If I could just get back into the writing part, I’m sure it would take care of itself, but why come back when there isn’t anything new to read? I’m doing some other writing that isn’t for my blog, so that has taken a little bit of my free time lately, and of course, I have to “work” too. Barf. LOL. ;-)

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