An Ode To Jello

cubed jello 2

Vile gelatinous stuff

In every rainbow color

How you taunt me

You are so pretty! 

Sweet, but nasty, fruity wonder

Giant Jello Shot

How I hate to have you in my mouth

The way you wiggle gives me the willies

Hate to see you on the table

“Do I have to take some, really?”

jello mold

By yourself, you’re bad enough

Why can’t people just leave you alone?

They fill you with vegetables and other crap

 BARF! I should have known…

tall jello

Grandamas and aunts can’t resist

Your powers of suspension

Look at that! Cauliflower!?!?!?

You have filled the room with tension

milky jello

And this one?  How and why did they do that?

I just don’t get it. I’ll never understand

Just what the hell are you made of?

Extruded horse’s hooves should never be eaten by man.

jello coleslaw

Oh the horror of this dish

With it’s evil green olive eyes

If you make me eat this stuff

I’m sure that I will die

lime-jello-salad

So, you have 1000 uses, good for you

salads, cookies, desserts, and God knows what

Even when they mix you with booze

I’ll keep my cake hole firmly shut

jello shots

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57 thoughts on “An Ode To Jello

  1. Oooh, I am not a jello fan either! Or ANYTHING gelatin:

    Mastering the Art of French Cooking, vol. 1 by Julia Child
    Foies de Volaille en Aspic, p. 548
    Chicken Livers in Aspic

    I have a Hallmark movie on right now. Am turning to something else just on principle. The characters are doing Jello shots!!

  2. At the risk of having you delete my comment, I kind of like Jell-o. I used to go to the Forum Cafeteria (it no longer exists, though I’m pretty sure that had nothing to do with Jell-o) with my grandparents. They had red Jell-o cubes with whipped cream dolloped on top. I always took one for dessert.

    Another favorite to make you squirm: Thanksgiving dinner my mom always took lemon Jell-o, added cottage cheese, and added crushed pineapple with the juice. We would serve it on a lettuce leaf with Miracle Whip thinned a little with cream, a maraschino cherry and a dash of paprika on top.

    Pepto Bismal anyone?

  3. It should be noted that Head Cheese is bits of pig head suspended in gelatin.
    The people that ordered it from the deli when I worked there look exactly like the people you’d expect to order head cheese.

    • Thank you so much for that information that I really wish I could unread. That is just wrong on so many levels. In this day and age, people can eat just about anything they want, so you have to wonder why anyone would eat that!

  4. I must confess… I sort of like jello (please don’t judge me). I don’t eat it any more because I’m vegan and so no gelatin, but occasionally I find a non-gelatin version, and it takes me back to visiting my grandma’s. So maybe it’s not the taste that I like, it’s the nostalgia that it induces…

    • I don’t judge anybody, here. If you like jello, that’s just fine! :-)

      But you know me, just gotta poke fun at stuff, and jello is perfect. It jiggles when you poke it.

  5. Sorry, another Jello-O lover here . . . When I was a little girl my grandfather once teased us by blowing on his jello & encouraging us to do it too because it was so hot. To this day I often find myself blowing on jello . . . the things that amuse young minds, eh? Good memories. Also, being a sufferer from intestinal problems, sometimes it’s the only thing I can eat.

  6. What? Why? WHY!?!?! Why would anyone do any of those things to jello? Except the rainbow one, that was so pretty!

    I am not a Jello lover, but I don’t mind it. Unless it is filled with vegetables, or seafood salad. (I just threw up in my mouth a little bit)

    The most creative I’ve ever gotten with jello was hollowing out oranges cut in half. Fill the peel with orange jello. Let set and cut into wedges. The kids love them.

  7. Great job Cheeky!
    It’s like a eulogy to Jell-O. May it rest in piece!
    They promised me ice cream after they took my tonsils. Woke up to lime Jell-O. Really? Never again!
    Red

      • I’m just reading your bio on your blog. I’m laffing! Love that flattering picture of you! Are you on the Twitter? I’m quite the twit. Just ask anybody!

      • I think that picture just about sums it up! No, I’m not a Twitterer. In fact, I’m socially (media) challenged at the moment but am starting Pinterest and some other SN pages to connect with my blog. I’m also a weekly contributor to http://www.gliterarygirl.com , which is a literary website. I know, weird fit, right?! Trying to build me “cred” beyond newspapers before publishing my first book in October, after which I will have some awesome door stops!

      • Ha ha! I too plan to publish a book in the coming months. It will be a compilation of the world’s worst haikus. Written by me and my readers. We do terrible haikus here on Thursday’s please join us. I work at a GMC dealership by day, but I also write elsewhere. I’m a weekly contributor at Forces of Geek magazine, and now write the blog for JustUnfollow.com, a company that develops apps for users to track their social media outlets. I’m doing a HUGE interview them for an upcoming post, and I’m not really up for it. But, not knowing how to do something has never stopped me before, Just take a look at this blog, it’s abundantly clear that I have no idea what I’m doing.

      • I will definitely check those out!

        And the haiku posts
        sound intriguing by the way
        ‘Cause I stink at it

        And by the way, ignorance is bliss; the seeds from which my blog began. Of course, having an unlimited amount of “fertilizer” helped. Looking forward to following your stuff!

    • I’ve already done a poem about the worst offender in the pudding family…tapioca….. but, I find pudding as unappetizing as jello, sorry. But hey, I’ll eat just about anything as long as it’s got meat, cheese or chocolate in it. Oh and of course bacon. You just have to eat bacon these days to be a cool kid.

    • Hey there, I’ve been busy this morning, just read through the comments. People love your post! Including Mr. Cheeky Diva. He thought it was very, very nice of you. He’s read some of your things, I email him a post of yours every now and then, he’s not a blog reader really. He did love the one you wrote about being a trooper who let the droids get away.

  8. HAW!! This wonderful epic poem made me roar with laughter!!– one of your funniest ever, Julie, and that’s saying something.

    My absolutely favorite line was “You have filled the room with tension.” That sums up the gelatinous wiggly stuff perfectly, and it sums up so many people as well.

    With your kind permission, I intend to use it at all my future social gatherings, whether Jello’s being served or not. : )

    Again, a true topper– many thanks!!

    • HI there Mark. Long time no talk! Please feel free to use any of my stuff anywhere. Anytime. I had all but forgotten about this one until I saw your comment in my feed. I’m actively researching writing greeting card verses. Do you think there’s room on the card rack somewhere for fellow jell-haters? :-)

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