Before we start, let me just say another thank you to our dear friend El Guapo for yesterday’s guest post. Not only did he do a fine job, but he handled all of the insults I threw at him out of sheer jealousy all day long, and answered all the comments my former fans left for their new diva for hours on end.
I’m okay, really. I’m over it. I am sooooo over it. After today, we will never speak of El Guapo again on this blog, since you all LOVE him more than you EVER loved me. You can all just go over there for Friday Foolishness, and the song of the day, and all that other cute and charming crap he does. Whatever. Bye….wait, I’m not quite done with you. Don’t go get your new T-shirt printed just yet.
Nevermind. We can do just fine without him,…but not until I take the time to reveal his true identity. That’s right my friends. I am going to rip the mask off of the lovable and irrepressible El Guapowitz, so be prepared.
Here is what we imagine that he looks like….a hot surfer dude who gets all the chicks in macrame bikinis.
Since he can’t be trusted AT ALL, I made him write his post on one computer while we had a video chat on another computer. I looked over his shoulder the whole time. I really wrote the whole thing. I dictated, he typed. Well, not really. I coached, a little..not much at all, really. Oh screw it. He has a gift. He did all of the work. *sigh* I watched his every move, and when his post was to my liking, I, in my infinite charity allowed him to hit the publish button. Which, I may add, was a lot harder than I thought it would be after I got a look at the REAL El Guapo. I was horrified.
I had promised him that I wouldn’t tell anyone what he looked like, but you know me. The consummate big fat liar. Since he has unceremoniously ripped all of my adoring fans away from me in one fell swoop, I now will reveal the picture I snapped with my handy Oovoo machine the other night.
No wonder the guy knows so much about haikus! He was probably there to see them invented. Maybe he really invented them himself. Not too pretty to look at, but the dude knows his stuff.
Alright, since you’re already here, let’s do this ho-hum-hidy-ho-haiku business and just get on with our day, shall we? Ahem…..I’ll start, as usual.
Cruel, petty Diva
Why you do Mr. Guap wrong?
Jealous much? Um, duh!
I used to be queen
Till Guap kicked me to the curb
With his dazzling wit
It’s too bad for you
I don’t stay down for too long
I’ll be back, sorry
Okay, that’s enough
Let’s do a real haiku friends
‘Bout nature and stuff
Wind blows through my hair
A blustery Midwest day
Could it be spring? SQUEE!
Masks come off today
Here’s a look at the real me
Feel free to run, NOW!
Scary shit, right? That’s the most recent pic of myself I had. I took it off of Mr. Cheeky’s desk. It’s a wonder the poor man doesn’t just stick his head in the oven.
Alright friends, Please leave your delightful haikus in the comments. As always, the badder the better, and of course, I just poke good clean fun at my good friend El Guapowitz, so I hope he finds this amusing. He really is great, isn’t he? Please read his blog by clicking HERE